You’re Soaking In It!

Life as I know it has returned to a state of "normal".  I will make no attempts to define "normal", although I usually do enjoy defining the completely subjective because it helps me to bring order to my already cluttered mind.  I am attempting instead to experience moments of life rather than always trying to define them.  As founder and president of the Think Things To Death Society, this is nothing short of miraculous.  Now, where was I?  Oh, yes...
Normal.  We have moved to another state, put most of our worldly possessions in storage and are currently living in someone’s guest home for a loosely determined length of time while we catch our proverbial breath and wait on God to show us what is next.  I'm sorry, did I say normal?  I meant utterly ridiculous but utterly ridiculous is the new normal and so here we are, living on a gorgeous spread of land, complete with horses in surrounding pastures,  swimming pool,  tennis court,  basketball court, workout room, and a beautiful home with every creature comfort possible.  The sheets with the incredibly high thread count are, in my opinion, just the cherry on top.  And if there is a down side to all of this it would only be that there are around a dozen deer and elk heads hanging on the walls in the great room and I swear they stare at me when I play pool in my pajamas.
Oswald Chambers talks about being "put into soak before God".  The innermost life is where the real action is, after all, and there are times when God pulls us away from the shop window, where most church leaders live, to receive, transform, and soften in the quiet solitude of soaking.  I am just amazed at where He has us now and so I will be here, soaking and hopefully transforming.  Softening...like in that Palmolive commercial from the 70's.  It is a good day when you can combine serious spiritual content with nostalgic television commercials.  That's why I am here, people.  That's why I'm here.

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When God Closes a Home He Opens a Window

Let me start by giving credit for my catchy little title to my friend, Tim Smith. His sense of humor...it is so choice.

Now, down to business. If you are just tuning in, I have been chronicling our journey into the unknown and you can catch up by clicking here, here, here and here. We have been packing and praying, trusting that when our house closes in two short weeks we will not be homeless. Homeless was just not on our list of options. I am kidding of course, but my point is that we have been growing short on time (yesterday marked eight days left until moving day) and long on uncertainty. The amazing thing about following God is that even when circumstances appear uncertain, God is a sure thing.

Every time.

Just not according to my timetable, which we waved bye-bye to long ago.

So...the night before last we received an offer to move our family into the guest home of some very dear people. Wow! This offer will afford our family an opportunity to rest, pressure-free, and to "lie beside still waters" so that He can "restore our souls." This totally confirmed that the Lord wants us in Valdosta, GA for this season of time that we know in our hearts is still transitional. There will be more ministry ahead for us and we know in our hearts that God has us in a holding pattern for now. And holding patterns are not so bad when you know Who is holding you.

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Why Am I Telling You All Of This?

So glad you asked...

Those of you who know me personally are aware that I am anything but mysterious. I used to wish I could be an enigmatic, elusive personality that people were dying to figure out. Yeah...that's never going to happen. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my opinions on the outside of my mouth, which gets me in a world of trouble. Wide open though I am, there are places in my heart that are seen by invitation only, and I am particularly careful about displaying the details of my life during periods of transition.

You see, my hubs and I have moved more than a few times in our almost twenty-one years together, and we have been the butt of more than a few jokes over the years. For so long the pain of being misunderstood overshadowed the beauty of knowing we had obeyed God. There were times I would forget that when it is all said and done, His delight in me is what counts.Yet somehow my heart has reached that wide-open place of acceptance. I have accepted who we are and the unconventional path He has called us to walk and I no longer look for the unexpected curves and contours of our life in God to mirror that of someone else. The virgin Mary would have never found another whose path resembled hers. And the truth is we are all "incubating" the life of Christ, but we must free one another to be the unique expression of that immense life, no matter how different from our own it may be. Oswald Chambers said this:

“God puts His saints where they will glorify Him, and we are no judges at all of where that is.”

What utter freedom, what unending abandon there is in that truth. He decides for me. And you. And no two paths are the same. The community of believers should be like an art museum where we gaze with wonder and appreciation at the breathtaking differences in the lives of each believer. And that is why I have opened this part of our life for you to see. I have written much about following Him at any cost and now I am giving you a peek at what that looks like for us and for our family, at least right now, at this moment. It's weird. It's unconventional. But it's real.

What about you? What is God doing in you right now?

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We Asked For This

I told you in my last post that all of the strangeness in which we are currently living is something that we asked for. Yes, I did end that sentence in a preposition. I can't be held responsible for my behavior at this time. You see, we have three sons, two of whom are teenagers, and we have been praying some big prayers for them. One year ago, the path of our life veered off into Timbuktu (figuratively, of course) and throughout this process we have asked God to show Himself to our boys in a big way. FYI-be VERY CAREFUL what you pray for! Never, ever do I want to demonstrate small living, small faith or a small God to my own kids. I want them to taste the immensity that is God and His Kingdom so that they will become obsessed with following Him anywhere, anytime.

And so here we are, stuck between the Rock and a God place, with no plan B. And we are watching, listening and waiting. These are perfect conditions for God to show up and show out. And my three sons are a captive audience for a God who never fails.

Check back in soon. I plan to tell you why on earth I am sharing so much of my personal life in such a public way.

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A Tale of Two Cities...Taylor Style

The clock is ticking and we are fast approaching moving day. Our house is a flurry of cardboard, paper and questions and we are making every effort to move with calm assurance through a season that we do not fully understand in a way that honors God.

So, here is where we are. My hubs and I are considering two different cities and we are still not clear which one will be home. Truthfully, we need a miracle in the arena of housing and so we are waiting to see in which city God will perform this amazing miracle. And we now have...(you can hum to yourself while I count)...eleven days left until we have to move. We have less time than we originally thought because we realized we would have to move on a Saturday to have any help. Now, I realize how utterly ridiculous this must sound to most people and even our own three sons, who are used to us and the way God usually leads us, are looking at us like we have lost our everloving minds. But here is the thing...we asked for this.

I would explain what I mean but I am running out of time! Check back for the next installment of what has recently become my "reality blog"....

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Welcome to My Castle...But Watch Your Step

Lately, I have been considering the blogs that I am drawn to, the ones that I will read regardless of my busy schedule. And do you know what they all have in common? In each one the author is putting him or herself "out there" and what they write is real and authentic and I can't help but find that irresistible. I'm not talking about the embarrassing kind of self-disclosure that makes you want to crawl under your couch and hide, like when you watch The Office. I am talking about a real person who knows they are flawed and yet they let down their humanity like a drawbridge, inviting you to cross over the mote of outward appearance to see what the castle is really like inside.

I have avoided writing about my own personal life in any real detail for the past year or so because it is hard to give someone a tour of a castle you hardly recognize. The past twelve months have turned out to be one of the most surprising years of my life. My husband of almost twenty-one years stepped out of vocational ministry to pursue a business opportunity which turned out to be a vehicle that God used to pull us off to the side where He could tell us some things we needed to hear. And some dreams I thought were finally becoming tangible seem to be drifting off in the big, gray horizon, and I have been standing on the shore like Tom Hanks in Castaway, talking to myself and hoping that someone would show up and rescue me. It has been a costly year for us in more ways than one and a year that has shaken the foundations of my faith. And it's not over yet.

Our home, that has been on the market for eighteen months, has sold and we are set to close in twenty days. That means we have to move in nineteen days. And we have no idea where we are going. I said we have no idea where we are going. I would like to point out that this is actually the second time that we have been all dressed up with nowhere to go so I am not freaking out. I am going about my life, teaching my sons, writing, accepting speaking opportunities when they come and packing boxes, all the while breathing in and breathing out, expecting that God will show up before moving day and tell us where the heck He wants us to go.

I have written a great deal about risk, adventure and the perils of shore-hugging but what I want to say today, at this moment in my life, is that I am feeling a little seasick. And if I have ever given you the impression that launching out into the deep is only exciting and never frightening...well, I apologize. Sometimes it just plain sucks (sorry, Sabrina). I just wanted to set the record straight. Because I am nothing if not honest and authentic, and while that may not make everyone comfortable, I can at least lay my head on my pillow at night and know that I have been real. And real is seldom easy, usually uncomfortable and almost always messy. Welcome to my very real and very messy life. I will keep you posted...

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Midlife Crisis...On Hold

It occurred to me today that I am middle aged. By definition I suppose that this means I am at the halfway point of my life. If I live to be eighty or more, that is. So I was thinking how I would like to start planning my midlife crisis...you know, lose those extra pounds, drastically change my hair color, buy an expensive sports car (that only seats two) and plan a trip to Europe where I will frivolously roam the English county side, reading poetry and writing the great american novel while I consider if I want to sky dive or bungee jump on my next birthday.

And then it hit me. Even if I were serious I cannot afford my own midlife crises because of this inconvenient recession (or depression or whatever "ession" it really is) and the tiny little fact that we still haven't sold our home in Florida. Not to mention that this recent diversion in our life path has slowed our Dave Ramsey steps to financial freedom so technically, we have a few other goals to reach before I can start my midlife crisis. Not to worry. If, like my grandmother, I live to be ninety-three, then I have approximately six more years to get the party started and begin living recklessly. I hope our house sells soon...there is a black 370 Z with my name on it.

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Church Quest

The search continues for a church home for our family. We had our second Sunday at church "B". Church "A" fell off the radar for a number of reasons, the most important being that we sensed it is not where God wants us. Church "B" has our attention and we are just listening for God's direction. I know that we could choose most any church and God would be fine with it, but I truly do believe in divine appointments with others and we want to connect with the body here in Columbus that will expedite His Kingdom plans.
Even as I write this, I know it sounds religious and I hate that but I don't have an "unreligious" way of expressing these thoughts. It still feels so strange to sit in the congregation and be a "church consumer". I don't want to be that. I want to be "planted" where He desires me and my family to be. A friend of ours who serves on a church staff told us that we are sausage-makers. He said that someone who has ever made sausage will never eat it. They know what goes into it. I see his point, especially now. We have pastored churches and we know what goes into it so we will never be satisfied to just "consume". But I don't want it to be true. And I don't ever want to just consume. I want to always be in the middle of "doing and being" the will of God. His grace has brought us to this point, when we pastored and when we didn't, and He will carry us on.

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Just Another Face

It is an odd experience to find yourself abruptly out of community. I mean in the sense of the local church. It is not a bad thing but only because it is a temporary symptom of relocation. Most every time in the past that we have relocated, it has been to another place of ministry in the local church, which means you have instant community and instant "friends", if you will. This is so very different. Not a soul in this town knows us (except my sis and bro-in-law) and when we enter the doors of a church we are just as likely to be ignored as anything. Very strange, indeed. As an introvert I am enjoying the extra time of quiet and the lack of busyness but I very much miss that sense of belonging. Honestly, I am pretty intrigued by this opportunity to view the church from the other side, to feel unknown and to explore so many other different bodies of believers in complete anonymity. I know I can only be content like this for a short time as I do so crave community...the "Cheers" kind where everybody knows your name and are happy to see you and you can really be you. For now, I am just another face in the crowd, waiting to be seen so that I can then allow myself to be known.

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Beat the Clock

So, my inbox has over 250 emails in it, most of them unread, my fingernails and toenails are hideously neglected, my eyebrows look like azaleas, I don't remember when I last read a page in the book beside my bed and I even posted a video of a dancing dog on my blog yesterday since 

I have precious little time to write this week.  This is major.  Yes, I am in the throws of packing my entire home in a week as we prepare for our upcoming move and I have to say that I do not really enjoy this part of "the big adventure."  I am not one for playing the whole beat the clock thing...I like to have time to work my plan and preferably not at Christmas when I usually have my tree up the day after Thanksgiving. But all things considered, life is really good and His blessings overwhelm me.  So maybe, just maybe before I ring in the New Year, I will be able to properly groom myself, read a few pages in a book and see lights twinkling on my Christmas tree.

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Savor Every Moment

My oldest son turned sixteen yesterday and, for some reason, I find it hard.  It is a wonder to watch him grow up and become a man, but I just wish that could happen and I could still keep my little boy who used to dress up in funny costumes and wallpaper my everyday life with his wild imagination.  I can remember lifting him out of the tub and wrapping him in a hooded towel and then watching as he would tear down the hallway, laughing wildly as I would chase him to his room and dress him in his footed pajamas.  He always smelled so good at night all curled up next to me on the couch and I would pray that those days would never end.  This week I get to take him to get his driver's license and then watch him as he tears down our street, laughing wildly at all that life has to offer, but this time I don't get to run after him.  You don't think about such things when you are changing diapers and wiping spit-up off of your shoes.  It is always a good idea to savor every moment...to remember the smell of their hair after a bath and their breath after they have eaten Play Doh.   My baby is nine and he still likes to cuddle on the couch with me at night after his bath and so I am still soaking it up.  If you have the chance, I hope you are, too.

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Crash & Burn? I Don't Think So!!

I have taken a leave of absence from my favorite news channel.  Or any news channel for that matter.  I have had it with all of the doom and gloom.  I have never been a "stick your head in the sand" kind of girl.  I want to know what is going on and stay informed about what is happening in the world around me, but as of late I am on sabbatical from negative hype and this whole "crash and burn" mentality that is the national media.  

I am in the middle of major life changes...career, church, home...heck we are even changing states. We have chosen the seemingly worst time to change careers, try several new ventures, sell a home and move to a new place.  The media would love us to believe that we should all hunker down and freeze everything.  Just hang on until the better times come.  Bull stuff!!  The people that are succeeding in their businesses right now are the ones who are approaching their clients with a positive attitude, encouraging them in their ventures and helping them believe that all is not bleak.  The economy is a cycle and this is just part of it.  The ups and downs, the ebb and flow...these are systems that are not new and what is currently down WILL go back up.  We have to choose to live, grow, take chances and explore new territory regardless of what we see around us.  Walt Disney created a whole magical world by believing in what he couldn't see with his eyes.  And we can do the same if we will dare to be positive and choose to believe.

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Should It Stay Or Should It Go???

I am moving soon.  To a much smaller abode.  As we await the sale of our spacious home in Florida we will be living in a cozy (and by cozy I mean really small) rental in Georgia and so now comes the task of deciding what to take and what to leave.  The thing about stuff is that we get so attached to some stuff and other stuff we don't even realize we have until we open a cabinet or move something out of the way and discover some useless pile of junk that we have had for who knows how long.  "Whose idea was it to buy this??" "What possessed me to keep that??"  "What IS this thing, anyway?"

I am considering throwing out much of what we don't find necessary to take with us.  But some things that I will leave here for now, like my grandmother's jello molds and my mother's high school annuals, well, those are keepers.  Call me sentimental...I totally am.  Those jello molds and annuals and old black and white photos, even the big jar of buttons from so many outfits my grandmother wore, are my connection to something that has become intangible.  They help me to touch what no longer is and therefore feed my soul.  The broken food processor, the now-out-of- style Birkenstocks and the snaggle-toothed rake?  Yardsale fodder.  But all those yesterdays wrapped up in the playing cards that my grandmother used for her "Wednesday Afternoon Bridge Club that met on Fridays" and that still smell like her?  Yeah, I will be keeping those. 

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And Then The Roosters Showed Up...

Anyone who has ever sold a house knows how "unfun" it is to keep the said house in perfect order all the time.  This becomes even more challenging if there are three boys living there as they do not fully comprehend the reality that the realtor can call at any time and want to show your house with precious little warning.  Let me give you a fun example of what it looks like when that call does come and you have an hour to get your home perfect and your entire family, dog included, out of the house.

Yesterday, I got the call at lunch time but before anyone had eaten anything.  I then had to get my hungry boys to make the underwear that usually hangs out of their partially open drawers to magically disappear while assigning someone to quickly run the vacuum.  The vacuum decided to begin emitting a foul and suspicious "rubber belt simmering in a dirty sweat sock" smell which quickly filled the house.  Not to worry-there was plenty of time to sprinkle fragrant carpet fresh powder all over the carpet and then grind it in with my sock-covered feet because there was no way on earth we were turning that smelly vacuum back on.  Thanks to the refreshing fall winds that blew over the weekend, there was a three inch carpet of leaves on the front patio and walkway that had to be swept up.

  And then the roosters showed up.  I am so not kidding.  Sauntering through my front yard were two very stupid roosters who obviously had no internal clocks as they were crowing at the top of their lungs.  Did I mention it was noontime?  Now, for those who do not know me, I do NOT live in the country and I had no idea why there were roosters in my yard, but I was pretty confident that they would not be a bold selling point for the potential buyer that was due at my house in twenty minutes!!  And yes, I did go after them with my broom in my hand in true cartoon fashion, hoping and praying that a car would come along and make rooster pancakes of them.  

It turns out that the roosters really weren't the lowest point.  When I returned home after the showing I discovered a toilet FULL of bright, yes-I-did-take-my-vitamins-today yellow urine with the lid up for everyone to see.  Never have I felt so proud.  If these people do buy my house, I am wearing a bag over my head at the closing.

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Everybody Limbo!!!

I looked up the word limbo in the dictionary and I found the following definitions:  suspended, on hold, up in the air, on the back burner.  This is a good description of what limbo is.  

 The other definition of limbo is the Indian dance in which the dancer bends backwords in order to pass under a horizontal bar that is progressively lowered.  I think this definition is a more accurate picture of what it feels like to be  "in limbo".  You feel like if you bend any further, you might snap in two.  And the fire is a nice touch in this picture.  Nothing like the fear of incineration to help you bend backwards even further.  Funny but there is no one standing around in festive hats clapping for me right now and I am bent way backwards!

 

Limbo is a most unusual "unplace" in which to find yourself.  Have you ever found yourself there for an undetermined amount of time?  How did you cope?

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Profoundly Grateful

My heart is heavy tonight.  I have been sitting here reading cards and letters (and crying my blasted eyes out) from so many of our wonderful friends at Christian Heritage Church whom we have had the privilege of pastoring and loving for the past four years.  Never have we felt the sense of "belonging" that we feel here with these people, our people,  and even as we leave and head into the next adventure, our hearts will always have a home here. 

I am especially thankful that God allowed me to be in this place with these people during the long year of caring for my mother through her illness and death.  I cannot imagine finding anywhere else the enduring love that I found here among my church family.  It was like being wrapped in a warm blanket during the coldest time of my life. 

If I have learned anything from this past year it is the importance of grieving.  It is so very necessary to allow your heart time to grieve over and release anything that will no longer be.  So now I begin the important process of letting this season of my life go although a part of me would love to hold onto it for just a little while longer.  It is easy to walk away from seasons of difficulty and pain, but it is a labor of the heart to give up what has been so precious and good.  I know that God will hold carefully my aching heart and I will cooperate with Him in this as I cry and laugh and remember so many wonderful yesterdays we have had here.  

It is a wonder to be allowed to love others and a miracle to be loved in return.  This has been a four year parade of wonders and miracles and for this I am profoundly grateful.

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Transition

Transition is a funny thing. You are caught somewhere between enjoying the moment and wondering about the future. You feel as though you don't really belong anywhere as you hang over the abyss of change. It is much like that place between asleep and awake where you really aren't one or the other and all you feel is strange. I love to ride roller coasters and I was thinking how similar are the experiences of roller coaster riding and riding the winds of change. You know how you feel as you wait in line, questioning your sanity yet unable to turn back? And then comes the moment of no return when you are buckled in your seat with the safety harness in place and your stomach is doing flip flops as you are tempted to start screaming, "Get me off this contraption!!!!!" Well that is how I feel in times of transition...that odd mixture of thrilled but I could pee in my pants at any moment.

Oswald Chambers said, "The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere." I think as His children we must be ready and willing to move, shift, or change in whatever capacity He desires. For some of us, this requires cardboard boxes and packing tape, but for all of us it requires soft, malleable hearts that are willing to let Him have His way in our lives. And the catch of our breath as we make the ascent to the top of a hill of His making is, I believe, music in His ears.

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