Two Things a Leader MUST Have

My mind is a circus of thoughts today. I read of the recent moral failure of a prominent church planter/pastor/blogger, Gary Lamb, today. His five-year-old church plant, Revolution Church, is in Canton, Georgia in the Atlanta area and you can read about his recent resignation here. Why am I bringing attention to yet another blight on the American church? I am glad you asked.

Next to nurturing an intimate relationship with God, my greatest desire as a minister of the Gospel is to live a life of integrity. This desire is not so that I will be shiny and and stainless and admired, but so that my life will garner little attention and He will get it all. I have no doubt that Gary Lamb had similar desires when he set out to plant Revolution Church. The reality is that not one person on the planet is above the temptation of sexual sin or the sin of pride or any other sin for that matter. We will all fight temptation until we draw our last breath. And those who do think they are immune to such things are in the greatest danger. The only difference between a leader who falls and a leader who does not are boundaries and accountability.

Leader, if you remember nothing else I have written here these past two years, please remember this: you are only as safe from sin as the boundaries you set for yourself and the accountability that keeps you within them. To give you an example, I will share with you some of the boundaries that my husband and I have set for ourselves.

-We never, under any circumstances, allow ourselves to be alone with anyone of the opposite sex. Period.

-If anyone of the opposite sex behaves inappropriately with either of us, we quickly alert the other of the situation and handle it immediately.

-We never counsel someone of the opposite sex alone. We always have someone else sit in or we counsel that person together.

-We are very vocal about our marriage relationship and we publicly affirm that relationship so others see that we are knitted together and will not be an easy target.

-We nurture intimate relationships with close friends and mentors who know where we are in our walks with God...not just our ministry. Many leaders in the church talk freely about their ministries and say very little about their intimacy with Jesus. Open doors and open hearts are much safer.

-When we are struggling with anything, we get help. You cannot wrestle temptation alone. Run, don't walk, to your mentors or co-laborers and get help.

-We prioritize our lives. Ministry responsibilities MUST come after your marriage and then your family time. If you win your entire city for Christ but your children are neglected and hurting and your spouse is a stranger to you, you are a dismal failure.

Please let me clarify. I am writing this NOT to judge a fallen minister, but rather to expose the desperate need in the body of Christ for boundaries and accountability. I do not write these things because I am immune to sin, but rather because I know that I am wretched flesh and, if left to my own devices, I will sin . And so will you. Examine your life and ministry. Shore up the integrity of your own life and ministry by putting careful boundaries in place and then insure these boundaries with faithful people who will love you enough to correct you.

Your life depends on it. And if you lead, so do the lives of so many others.

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Sexy Church

I read an article over the weekend about a church in the rural Alabama town of Good Hope that really grabbed my attention. Apparently Daystar Church's pastor of nine years, Jerry Lawson, has launched a month-long teaching series called "Great Sex: God's Way" and has even rented billboard space in their tiny town to advertise it. And some folks in Good Hope are feeling less than hopeful about it.

The concerns that were cited are, and I am nut-shelling here, that "sex should be discussed at home and in schools-not in church", "this is just a fancy marketing scheme to get people to come to their church", and finally-and I quote- "Paul said preach the Gospel. Talking about sex ain't gonna get nobody to heaven." The last quote was from another pastor in that town.

Jerry Lawson took over the leadership of Daystar Church, which was then running less than 100 in attendance, and has grown that church to over 2,000, which is more than Good Hope's total population. Forgive me for once again tossing my opinions about but, friends, as I read these criticisms of Daystar Church, I smell a Pharisee or two.

Certainly there is much debate about church growth strategies and then there is the whole "mega-church versus small church" discussion that I find more than a little tiresome. This is just wasting breath arguing over non-essentials when the church should be about making disciples-not critiquing how other churches are going about making disciples. Sheeesh! It would seem to me that the issues some are having with this church in Alabama are more about that issue than about sex. But for those who are troubled with the church addressing the topic of sex, I have just a few words. WAKE UP!!!!

As a former pastor, I have spent countless hours helping couples deal with sexual issues and it IS a topic the church should address. Jesus didn't just commission us to "preach repentance." He commissioned us to make disciples (Matt28:19-20) and, while that begins with repentance, it does not end there. We have to teach people how to live, how to grow in vital relationship with God and then in relationship with others. God made sex. He is not offended or embarrassed by it, and He wants married people to enjoy it like crazy!!! If the church refuses to talk about it, the problems won't go away and the destruction of marriages in the church will continue to be equal with those outside of the church. We must equip the people in every area of life and see each come to a place of wholeness and healing that each might, in turn, bring the very same healing and wholeness to those in their own sphere of influence. ( 2Tim 4:2)

What do you think? Should the church address issues of sexuality?

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Business Time

A little weekend bonus for the brave few who are popping by to see what is what. This is a little PG-13. So funny!

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The Sexual Christian

I know, I know, the title is unforgivable, but I swear it really is the title of a book. Years ago I was at the home of a friend and on her bookshelf was a copy of this book which is now out of print. In true "beth" style, I cracked up laughing because, really, doesn't it sound like a line from a Saturday Night Live skit? "I'm Beth Taylor and I AM........the SEXUAL CHRISTIAN!"

Anyhoo, as cornball as the title sounds, it is true that as Christians we should be comfortable with our sexuality, and as married christians we should be all about loving the spouse God gave us. After these years of pastoring I am well acquainted with how many troubled marriages there are in the church and how sexual dysfunction runs rampant among Christians. What is so very sad is that God intends for sex to be this incredible gift, but so often the church has no idea how to teach people to unwrap and enjoy it. I long to see marriages healed and husbands and wives free to give themselves wholeheartedly to one another. It is important for older couples with healthy marriages to come alongside younger couples and mentor them, giving encouragement and counsel as they work through their issues. Yet sadly, many couples struggle in a hellish, private world where they have no one with whom they can unmask and find the fulfillment that they find so elusive.

If you are struggling in your marriage, if physical intimacy is less than magical...do not lose hope. God can heal and restore, inspire and ignite. It is His deep desire that you might know heaven on earth. It is not some intangible fairy tale. It is real. And you can have it. Seek out that couple in your life that has a marriage you envy and pursue them as marriage mentors. Don't hide and pretend that all is well when you are dying inside. It could be that all you have to do is ask.

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This thing called blogging

I originally posted this on another site on June 8, 2007...
I just can't get over this cyber fixation on blogging. Blogging, by any other name, is still just writing. In fact, it is just journaling and I have been doing this "amazing" activity since I learned to write, sometime in kindergarten. I have always used archaic implements such as paper and a pen, which by modern standards are not nearly as exciting as a keyboard made of plastic. And, of course, journals of old were not for public consumption except perhaps posthumously. I suppose ordinary things made public are of greater interest. Take sex for example. Sex behind closed bedroom doors has been happening uneventfully since the dawn of mankind, but put it up on a big screen, accompanied by huge tubs of popcorn, and charge way too much money and then you've REALLY got something interesting. People come in droves to see that! So those of us who have been "blogging" privately for decades in the privacy of our own homes are now being encouraged by the computer literate to blog. "You should blog...it is such fun...have you tried it?" To those folks I would like to say, "Why yes, for longer than you have been living and I have mountains of old journals filling my closets to prove it."
In truth, I am happy for the nou veau writers out there who, though mistaken in their belief that blogging is a new invention, are finding satisfaction in the written word. One day I hope to get paid for this great medium known as writing and, until then, I blog, I journal, I write and my heart is happy!

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