Being Spontaneous Makes You Ugly

It has been eleven days since I last posted anything and I just have to say that my newfound freedom to be a total slacker...it is so freeing. Please know that I have not been wasting my time. I have been doing many important things, like staring out the windows, daydreaming and trying to figure out how to get my new Georgia driver's license without admitting how much I weigh. The folks at the Florida DDS are not near as nosy as they are here in Georgia. So I did what any self-respecting southern woman would do. I lied. And I don't care who knows it.

They showed me, though. The picture they took was unspeakably hideous. To be fair, that could have had something to do with the fact that my grossly infected left earlobe was bloody and swollen from twenty failed attempts at putting in my earrings. And the fact that I had food in my teeth and was wearing my finest pair of yoga pants with a t-shirt and sweat jacket. I am nothing if not elegant and well put-together.

In my defense (like I need one...sheesh) I had no prior warning that a trip to the Georgia State Patrol office was in my immediate future. My husband just showed up and said, "Hey, let's go get our Georgia drivers licenses." That very moment presented me with the choice to be one of two things for my man: flexible and spontaneous or well-groomed and attractive. So I opted for spontaneity. I should only regret that decision for the next five years or so until it is time to renew the darn thing. My only request is that if you see me, do not ask to see my license. It will not bode well for you.

Love,
Miss Spontaneity

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Goodnight House and Goodnight Mouse

It is four days until moving day and all of our belongings are jumping into boxes by themselves while a roll of packing tape zips through the house, seeking cardboard that needs sealing. I WISH! Actually, it is all going pretty well and on schedule. It is sad how much I love those two words..."on schedule", but there it is and I cannot change who I am so instead I embrace my love of order and schedule.

That being said, I did linger a bit in our guest room as I packed up the tangible remains of the life of my mother. For those of you just tuning in here, my mother lived with me for the final year of her life and this month marks two years that she has been gone. The day after her memorial service, I took all of her things that I wanted to keep and shoved them into a closet in our guest room and so it has taken me a little while to touch and smell each thing before putting it in a box. I gazed around the guest room that she called home for her final year of life and remembered so many conversations we had and thought of all the old black and white movies we watched together, and I wondered to myself if the empty place she left inside me would ever stop aching. I suspect not.

My husband and I have lived in lots of houses in many different cities, a path we chose together nearly twenty-one years ago when we agreed to go wherever God said and pour our hearts and lives into others. But this is the first time I have felt sad about leaving a house. Some of our friends have had the experience of raising their families in one place, maybe even one house, and there have been times I have envied them. But just briefly. I love all the amazing people we have met and friendships we have formed by living in different places and, while this way of life wreaks havoc on your finances, it does bring heaven to your heart. Still, leaving this house hurts and I am trying to make time to feel what I feel, grieving a little over the ending of a season of my life that was searingly painful and deliciously wonderful all at the same time. How I am feeling reminds me of my very favorite children's story that my mother read to me when I was small, Goodnight Moon. Each page shows the little bunny saying goodnight to different things in his room until he finally tells the moon goodnight. It is important to say goodnight to the the places and seasons and people that matter.

Goodnight Lake City. Goodnight Christian Heritage Church. Goodnight house!

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Life Happens

If you have stopped by here even just once before, you know that much of my inspiration for writing comes from the things that happen in the everyday. This week, life has prevented me from putting the necessary time in to write a good post for today. I would apologize, but my family must come first, especially when they are sick. I just wonder why humans cannot find the time to get sick during daylight hours and, instead, find the middle of the night a beautiful time to ache, have fever, yack, or any other entertaining activity the sick body finds to do. This is a great mystery. I will be back on Friday....hope you will, too.

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Because It's Wednesday....

....I have decided to post even though I have NOTHING remarkable to write. You see, I have this issue with committing to something and then not sticking with it. I am not saying that I am high and exalted and never let things drop. Au contraire! But it eats at me when I do, so I avoid doing so if at all possible. I wouldn't say that I have writer's block-I am too full of you-know-what for that. Exhausted is a better word. My personal life is a bit of a tornado right at this moment and, while I usually enjoy a good thunderstorm, I am really just longing for a slow, sunny day. About a thousand of them. Anyone know a good travel agent??

I did have something happen this week that I can't wait to tell you about on Friday when I post my weekly pile of useless information and "can this really be happening to me?" moments. I comfort myself when these things do happen because it is pure, unadulterated blog fodder and for that I am deeply thankful. I probably enjoy all of this blogging too much and I should be harder at work on the book that lives in my head so that it might one day find a home on a nice shelf in a Barnes and Noble. All in good time. In the meantime, I do enjoy this odd form of communication with you all and I can even relish a few moments of mindless rambling. So sorry I dragged you into it with me.

Thanks for playing along! You get a thousand extra points if you read to the end. See you Friday...and have a lovely "hump day". ( I really hate the phrase "hump day")

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Expect the Unexpected...And Then Laugh

So, I try to write posts with valuable content, offering helpful or at least encouraging information. But I can't be helpful all the time and I really just want you to see how awesome I look on the back of a tow truck.

I made 40 deviled eggs and my husband made a huge dessert to take to a family gathering on the other side of Georgia. We had all of that, our luggage, three boys and one small dog crammed in our little van and we were headed out of town. Until.....
Until our van started running hot, the engine began smelling like waffles, and smoke billowed out from under the hood....miles and miles from civilization. And why not? So that was when the nice police officer pulled over and asked us what was the problem. As if we looked like people who would have any idea what they are looking at when peering under the hood. Puh-lease! The kind officer took pity on us and called a towing service because clearly we were in danger of blowing up our engine. Uh, sure, we were aware of that. It seems that it is illegal to do what you see pictured here, but the four out of five Taylors that would NOT fit in the cab of the tow truck voted and decided walking 30 miles back to town was clearly not an option. I, of course, did what I always do in situations like this....I took pictures and cracked jokes. I made my oldest son jump off the tow truck and take this picture while my husband was inside paying the nice tow truck driver a small fortune. It seems that jumping off of the tow truck once you have been "attached" is frowned upon. Who knew?

Here is a picture of what it looks like to ride down the highway from the bed of a big tow truck. I realize that many of you may never have this important life-altering experience and I feel it is my responsibility to allow you to "see" from this perspective. I do what I can to broaden your scope of experience, people.


















And, finally, here is a picture of two of my little punks enjoying the ride. Okay, they really weren't thrilled about the turn that the day took, but I try to teach them to find fun in any circumstance. Except a root canal. No fun to be had there, my friends.


So that was my exciting weekend. We find out today if we have a cracked radiator or if a resurrection occurred and our van was miraculously healed. A girl can dream...

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Friday Jumbles

--So, I discovered the cure for migraine headaches this week. I like to call it my "I-feel-like -I'm-having-a-stroke cocktail". You take two Aleve, two Advil and two Tylenol and wash them down your pie hole with one liter of Mountain Dew. Oh, I exaggerate. A little. You really only need two cups of Mountain Dew. And you will be back to your old self in no time!

--I've decided that when you are fasting, watching Food Network is probably not a good idea. It is kind of like porn for the food-deprived individual. It might be wrong...but it feels so right!

--Fav quote of the week: "To take from one, because it is thought his own industry and that of his fathers has acquired too much, in order to spare to others, who, or whose fathers, have not exercised equal industry and skill, is to violate arbitrarily the first principle of association, the guarantee to everyone the free exercise of his industry and the fruits acquired by it." --Thomas Jefferson (read it a few times if you need to...it is a great truth for the times we live in)

--I sat down on the living room floor one afternoon this week to play Pick up Sticks (yes, people do still play that game) with my youngest son. Before he threw the sticks down he looked me right in the eyes and said, "You had better enjoy this because one day you won't have little boys to play games with. Jacob and David already don't like to any more." I promise you my lip was trembling and it was all I could do not to burst into tears on the spot. Rip a mama's heart out, will ya??

--And finally, Dave Ramsey, in cooperation with LifeChurch.TV, will be hosting a Town Hall for Hope Meeting on April 23rd at 8pm. This is a free event during which he will be addressing the state of the economy, how we got here and where to go from here. I am a huge fan of Dave Ramsey and I especially appreciate the positive approach he has to what is happening in our country. With so much doom, gloom and hopelessness, it is nice to hear truth wrapped up in hope. Click here to get the details.

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Friday Jumbles

--Let me start this off by letting my tens of readers know that I am going to be changing my posting schedule (pronounced shhhhedule...I am feeling rather British today). Beginning next week, I will be posting on Monday, Wednesday and Friday only. I am backing off a bit to spend more of my writing time on another writing project. This means, of course, that I have to make my three posts a week count...no more of this silliness and nonsense. Yeah, we all know that won't happen. I am a pied piper of sarcasm and nonsense, especially on Fridays.

--Although one of the main objectives of this blog is to expose and do away with sexism in the church, I am about to make a sexist remark and so I am apologizing in advance for any potential offense the following remark may cause. Sick little boys and sick grown men are all the same inside: whiny. Now, I realize there are exceptions so do pardon my painting with such broad strokes. But I do have extensive experience with this so please don't try to convince me otherwise. I'm just saying...

--I had never seen "The Nightmare Before Christmas" until last night. If you haven't seen it either and you feel you might like to rent it, please lie down until the urge passes. Spend your money on something more worthwhile....like a down payment on a nice root canal.

--And finally, here is my nine-year-old son's bedtime prayer from last night: "Dear God, thank you for today even though I have been sick and feel like crap. Please heal me and David and help my Daddy make lots of money on his job. Hanging up now. Amen"

Yeah...I laughed out loud. Have a beautiferous weekend! (I made up a word just for you, Sharon)

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Adventures in Parenting

I wanted to write something for today's post that would be deep and inspiring, yea even life-changing. But then I said "Nahhh". You see I have two sick kids and one other who wishes he were sick so he could get out of his school work.

No such luck!

I met our new doctor yesterday and oooohhhhhhh how I miss our old one! (Heather, where are you?????) Then I followed her directions to the diagnostic center where my son would be getting a chest x-ray and I learned that being able to prescribe narcotics and such does not necessarily qualify one to give directions. Yeah, I got lost. My husband suggested I call the office back and ask someone else for directions but I knew in my current state of PMS that I would most likely wield my sword of sarcasm in a less than life-giving way. So I refrained. And I found the diagnostic center on my own because I am just stubborn like that. I also decided that I would not let my new doctor's inability to tell her left from her right dissuade me from trusting her medical advice. I may later regret this decision.

Turns out my young son does NOT have pneumonia but our new physician still feels it necessary to have us give him the antibiotic she prescribed. My son showed her, though! After taking both pills for day one he then proceeded to throw up.

Everything in his stomach.

All over the trashcan.

Lid.

Because if you are that close to a trash can, why bother to lift the lid when you can, instead, splash the entire contents of your stomach all over your shoes and pants, the trash can AND the cabinet behind it. Good plan.

You would have been proud of me...I just laughed and then cleaned it up. Did I mention my PMS? And because I am a good mother, I curled up in my bed with my son and watched three hours of Orcs murdering each other with every form of sharp weaponry. I actually do like "Lord of the Rings", but I am more in a "You've Got Mail" frame of mind right now. I did, however, cheer loudly when Legolas slid down that flight of stairs while shooting arrows at Orcs. I so would have face-planted half way down the stairs and been brain dead on the spot. Ring? What ring?

There you have it. I know. You are overcome with inspiration. Just lie down. I promise you it will pass.

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Fleeting Snow Angels

My good friends at The Weather Channel predicted 1-2 inches of snow for Columbus, Georgia but, friends, we got nearly five inches at our happy, little home yesterday. And it was glorious! Those of you who live in the great, white north can't appreciate my excitement and, truly, I can see how snow could grow wearisome . But for those of us in the deep south, yesterday's snow was a gift and we enjoyed it to the fullest! We threw snowballs, made snow angels and attempted to make a snowman, but our boys were more interested in launching snow missiles at us. Good times!

I know the clock ticks at the same rate for all of us but when you have children, it seems to race by at a breathless clip and if you aren't careful, you miss the most priceless gifts that come wrapped up in the plain, brown paper of the everyday. Play-Doh, crayon drawings on the fridge and snow angels are fleeting...don't wish them away.

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Friday Jumbles

--On the coldest night this week I sat by the fire and watched "Secondhand Lions" for like the twelfth time. Robert Duvall and Michael Cain crack me up. Never have two cranky, old men been so endearing.

--Thanks to the wonders of the internet, I have learned more than I need to know about one of my new neighbors. Someone near us has named their wireless network "sexmethreeways" and I just have to ask WHY??? Why not just put a sign in the yard that says Extreme Pervies Live Here? Very classy, indeed.

--Fav quote of the week: "Talent hits a target no one else can hit; genius hits a target no one else can see." --Arthur Schopenhauer

--I have been totally loving Facebook this week because I have found, or been found by, so many people I went to school with...I mean all the way back to third grade. You just have to love technology.

--Last night I rode with my husband to Publix to get sinus medicine and Gatorade for me because I feel yucky, like maybe someone filled my sinus cavities with plaster of paris while I slept the night before. However I was wearing my very old and very comfy green plaid pajamas that I had been wearing all day and a pair of ugly running shoes that I wear only to take the dog out. Oh, yes, I was looking very hot . So, I was sitting in the van reading a book while he was in the store and then I started having those crazy thoughts. You know the ones. "What if my husband has some sort of attack and I have to go in the store dressed like a homeless person with incredibly bad taste???" "I haven't even brushed my hair today and I'm not wearing a supportive bra!" I was so relieved when he got back to the car. It was a very stressful trip to Publix!

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Midlife Crisis...On Hold

It occurred to me today that I am middle aged. By definition I suppose that this means I am at the halfway point of my life. If I live to be eighty or more, that is. So I was thinking how I would like to start planning my midlife crisis...you know, lose those extra pounds, drastically change my hair color, buy an expensive sports car (that only seats two) and plan a trip to Europe where I will frivolously roam the English county side, reading poetry and writing the great american novel while I consider if I want to sky dive or bungee jump on my next birthday.

And then it hit me. Even if I were serious I cannot afford my own midlife crises because of this inconvenient recession (or depression or whatever "ession" it really is) and the tiny little fact that we still haven't sold our home in Florida. Not to mention that this recent diversion in our life path has slowed our Dave Ramsey steps to financial freedom so technically, we have a few other goals to reach before I can start my midlife crisis. Not to worry. If, like my grandmother, I live to be ninety-three, then I have approximately six more years to get the party started and begin living recklessly. I hope our house sells soon...there is a black 370 Z with my name on it.

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I WIll NEVER Do That!!

So, my husband and I were on a little road trip Saturday and we passed some billboards in Altanta that were extremely high, higher than the ones like you see in this picture. I was craning my neck to see the top of them, imagining myself atop the platforms in front where the workers do whatever it is they do to change them and I had this thought....if this were the LAST job on earth, I would just starve to death because there is no way in the world I would ever climb up there to earn a living. EVER. Sure, there are jobs that I find unappealing, like neutering or spaying animals, pest control, and proctology, but this aversion I have to extreme heights really isn't about preference. It is just plain, old, fall-to-your-knees-and-throw-up fear.
This subject of jobs is uppermost in my mind right now because, if our house in Florida doesn't sell soon, I am going to have to do something to bring in some extra money. Let me be clear and say that you would see the bank come and take back the Florida house from the Taylors if it all hinged on me being a billboard changer outer. Yes, I did just make up that title. What do you call that job anyway? Oh, I know, this is deep stuff I am writing about and you just wish you were this creative, this utterly and completely inspiring. But let's just face it...some people are not called to weave word tapestries as rich and beautiful as what you see here. I did hear of some job openings in the billboard changer outer office in Atlanta, though, if you are interested. So, what would you rather have your eyeballs gouged out than do for a living??

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How To Completely Destroy a Cell Phone

I may not be the most gifted person to ever walk the earth but I am most certainly the clumsiest.  Allow me to illustrate my point.  I have already mentioned the nasty little stomach virus that came to help me flush in the New Year.  When it hit me last Wenesday, I was out shopping with my sons, giving them an opportunity to spend some of their Christmas money.  Needless to say we left Gamestop in a really big hurry.   When we arrived home I grabbed my purse, cell phone and keys and RAN to the door to unlock it.  Sadly, this was when my Razor fell and landed on the threshold, knocking one of the hinges off of my new phone and leaving some of the phone's wiring exposed.  Not good news.  I came to the conclusion that the piece I broke off was not going to magically "snap" back into place when my husband tried to do just that which then caused the outer screen to go black.  No more caller ID for me.  Now, in view of the fact that we are STILL waiting for our house to sell in Florida, it is not a good time to be shelling out money for a new phone.  This WAS a new phone that came free with my new contract and, oddly enough, was the replacement for the LAST phone I dropped and broke.  Hmmmm....there is a pattern here.  Not to worry...my wonderful sister-in-law had a phone that she was no longer using so yesterday we headed over to get it from her and get it activated.  The plot thickens.  As I am headed out the door to go to her house, I DROP MY BROKEN PHONE AGAIN!!! This time it snaps completely in two and gives up the ghost entirely.  Dead.  I have now killed two phones.  When will this madness stop???  Is there some sort of twelve-step recovery program for people like me?  

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Thank God...I Made It Through the Day!

It would have been so great if I had written an inspiring post about new beginnings and goals for the next year.  But I didn't.  I spent the entire last day of 2008 in my bathroom thanking God for my vast supply of Charmin and asking sweet baby Jesus to just take me on home to glory.  I realize that this is highly personal information but I have always been just a shade too transparent so I figure why stop now??  Needless to say I didn't get a post up for today until it was almost tomorrow.  Chances are I will be lucky to get my Friday Jumbles posted on time.  Perhaps by then I will be feeling all inspirational...we'll see.  But do have a lovely New Years Day tomorrow and enjoy some blackeyed peas, which has always been a strange tradition in my opinion.  I will be ringing in the new year eating plain toast and gingerale.  Happy New Year, dear bloggy friends!

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Dude, You Threw Off My Groove!

I don't know what is going on, but something has definitely thrown off my groove.  You know that feeling you get when you can't quite find normal you and some other foreign, grumpy, out-of-sorts you has taken up residence in your body?  I know, I know...I am weird.  But I am okay with my weirdness.  Part of it is all of the change that has been taking place in my own life and that will just take time to sort itself out.  The great thing about emotions is that they are much like clouds and they just don't hang around for very long.  What do you usually do when you don't feel quite right?

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Router Shmouter!

Well, bloggy friends, it seems that our wireless router has breathed its last and so we are all sharing one computer that is connected to the web as of today at our house.  Please remember that I have two teenagers, so this means I take a number and get in line. The Knology guys showed up yesterday to connect us to the lovely web and you could hear Taps playing in the background as the news came forth from the lips of the service dude.  I hope to be back on schedule with my ground-breaking, life-changing blog posts tomorrow.  Do come back here again and have a lovely Thursday!

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If You Need Me, I Will Be At My Happy Place

I have a picture on my desk of two Adirondack chairs overlooking a beautiful lake surrounded by enormous mountains.  When my own circumstances are less than appealing to consider, I look at this picture and imagine myself sitting in one of those chairs, staring out at the water and the mountains beyond.  I call it my happy place.  A Lamaze instructor once encouraged me to find my"happy place" while I was in labor.  She was an idiot.  But while a happy place was unable to take my mind off of mind-numbing labor pains and the inevitability of a huge head pushing it's way out of my body, it is quite effective at providing me with a mental vacation now and again.  I find this a healthy mental exercise as long as I don't try to set up permanent residence there.  What about you?  Where do you go when you need a peaceful place for your thoughts to sit and put their feet up?

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And Then The Roosters Showed Up...

Anyone who has ever sold a house knows how "unfun" it is to keep the said house in perfect order all the time.  This becomes even more challenging if there are three boys living there as they do not fully comprehend the reality that the realtor can call at any time and want to show your house with precious little warning.  Let me give you a fun example of what it looks like when that call does come and you have an hour to get your home perfect and your entire family, dog included, out of the house.

Yesterday, I got the call at lunch time but before anyone had eaten anything.  I then had to get my hungry boys to make the underwear that usually hangs out of their partially open drawers to magically disappear while assigning someone to quickly run the vacuum.  The vacuum decided to begin emitting a foul and suspicious "rubber belt simmering in a dirty sweat sock" smell which quickly filled the house.  Not to worry-there was plenty of time to sprinkle fragrant carpet fresh powder all over the carpet and then grind it in with my sock-covered feet because there was no way on earth we were turning that smelly vacuum back on.  Thanks to the refreshing fall winds that blew over the weekend, there was a three inch carpet of leaves on the front patio and walkway that had to be swept up.

  And then the roosters showed up.  I am so not kidding.  Sauntering through my front yard were two very stupid roosters who obviously had no internal clocks as they were crowing at the top of their lungs.  Did I mention it was noontime?  Now, for those who do not know me, I do NOT live in the country and I had no idea why there were roosters in my yard, but I was pretty confident that they would not be a bold selling point for the potential buyer that was due at my house in twenty minutes!!  And yes, I did go after them with my broom in my hand in true cartoon fashion, hoping and praying that a car would come along and make rooster pancakes of them.  

It turns out that the roosters really weren't the lowest point.  When I returned home after the showing I discovered a toilet FULL of bright, yes-I-did-take-my-vitamins-today yellow urine with the lid up for everyone to see.  Never have I felt so proud.  If these people do buy my house, I am wearing a bag over my head at the closing.

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A Song, Some Memories and a Thankful Heart

I was reading my friend, Joylene's, blog yesterday and I was unexpectedly swept away. She had Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata imbedded in her blog about music and its magical ability to take you to another place, another time. As soon as the music began I was instantly six years old and lying on the floor beside the piano, listening to my mother play this piece and watching as her beautiful fingers danced gracefully over the ivory keys as if she were born playing this song. She was an accomplished pianist and a marvel to watch and I always knew that playing the piano wasn't just about making music...it was about losing herself in a passion that she, herself, didn't understand. Oh, how I would love to hear her play just one more time and see on her weary face the look of peace that she only wore when seated at the piano, lost in her music.

My mother and my grandparents exposed me to beautiful music; classical, opera, jazz, big band and grand choral arrangements. They also surrounded me with the very best that the literary world had to offer and to this day there is no greater comfort for me than to be in a room full of great books and fine music. I am so very thankful for these gifts that they gave to me and the lasting memories that sustain me. The simplicities of life that are most often taken for granted seem to become the priceless, decorative memories that adorn our hearts and souls in later years. As I gaze about the landscape of my own soul these days, the scenery is breath-taking and I am thankful.

What adorns your soul in this season of your life? Who do you have to thank for what you find there? We should take time in this season of Thanksgiving to truly appreciate those things deeply rooted within us and the precious people who planted them there. (And thank you, Joylene...I needed to hear that yesterday)

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Hi, I'm Debbie Downer...

wanh, wanh, wanh.  This past weekend both my FSU Seminoles and my Georgia Dawgs lost their games, my candidate lost the election and then my antenna broke off of my cell phone (thus rendering it USELESS).  I discovered the broken antenna NOT while I was IN the cell phone store paying my bill, but rather after I had driven home from the cell phone store.  Now, I realize that in the grand scheme of things this is nothing, but we really aren't talking about the grand scheme here-we're talking about my little scheme and therefore it matters...to me!  If you think of my life like a recipe and you mix the above ingredients with a few other temporary, yet utterly frustrating circumstances in my life, add a 1/2 tsp of "woah, our grocery bill was high this week!", a Tbsp of "why did I pick this week to start doing crunches again?", and a dash of PMS and, my friends, this is no angel food cake baking here!  It is full-blown, double-dark devils food cake.

There.  I have completed my totally unnecessary, yet mildly entertaining rant.  Thanks for listening.  Carry on.

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