9-11-01...If We Were to Ask God

"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." -Ralph Waldo Emerson


All of the ceremony of a day like today stirs us to pause and to remember...

Where we were.

What we were doing.

How we felt.

And all the needless loss of life that day.

On this day each year, some will be overcome with thankfulness, forgiveness and hope.

Others will still be nursing hatred and judgment and fear.

If we were to ask God how He feels about what happened, I wonder what He would say.

Because He is "I Am" and not "I Was" or "I Will Be", I think He would ask us to look within and see how we have allowed the tragedies of yesterday and the heartbreak of today to change us and make us look like a truer reflection of His Image. And although I am certain the events of 9-11-01 broke God's heart, I imagine that today He is more interested in whether or not His children are looking more like Him and if we are allowing His image to be reflected on the lost and the broken, the sick and the poor.

These are the things I am thinking of today.

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Soulmaking

When a husband and wife come together in the most intimate of connections it is called lovemaking. Love is not actually made in the act of sex, it is merely expressed in a wildly intense way that only God could have imagined. And when each of us joins together in the closest of intimacy with our Heavenly Father, it is called soulmaking. Likewise, the soul is not made in the intimate dance between the Father and child but it is expressed in a wildly intense way that, again, only God could have imagined.

There is an ineffible discovery of soul and self and eternal identity that can only be realized in the tender moments of exchange and connection between Father and child. And the self that is realized is really just the true reflection of Who He is and how He desires His image to be reflected in us. And these reflections of His face in each of us are as unique and different as each snowflake that falls to the earth, not one resembling any other. It is the constantly changing environment within a cloud that makes each snowflake uniquely different and so it is with each of us...our ever changing surroundings cause us to be a reflection of the Father's heart and face unlike any other. This must cause the heart of our wildly creative God to burst with excitement over the endless expressions of His true self that are then possible to be seen and enjoyed in the earth.

However, many of us have been deceived into viewing such exchanges with God in much the same casual way that so many view sex. It is for our own gratification, serving the purpose of meeting a base need in such a way that the heart need not ever be engaged. How cheap and shallow an imitation is this of the deeper reality that He intends for us to know when our hearts are engaged and our souls are brought to life in a fiery, breath-taking intertwining of flesh with the divine. Soulmaking is an incomprehensible union worthy of our pursuit that will move us toward, as Sue Monk Kidd puts it, "recovering all that is lost and orphaned within us and restoring the divine image imprinted on our soul."

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Waiting for God

"The years teach much which the days never know." -Ralph Waldo Emerson


I do not like to wait for God. This is probably why I spend so much time doing just that...He knows how I feel about it. Not that He is punishing me, He just seems to push me in all the directions which I resist.

For some odd reason the phrase "waiting for God" often reminds me of that Samuel Beckett play, "Waiting for Godot". It has been said that much Christian symbolism can be found in this work but Beckett categorically denied any symbolism at all in his play. I never cared much for the play because Godot never shows up where the two tramps are waiting for him. It is a terrible thing to not show up. If you have ever had a principal character on the stage of your life fail to show up, you know what a crushing blow it can be. The problem is when I then interpret God's timing (which is not at all like my timing) as failure to show up. But He must show up. He promised to "never leave us or forsake us" (Deut 31:6, 8) and He never lies. He is unlike any "character" in our earthly existence. He makes good on His promises. But why does my heart struggle at times to remember this fundamental truth? Because it is the essence of fallen man to doubt God and expect Him to, in turn, misunderstand and punish us. As it was for the first man and woman, so it will be for us. And so we must fight this temptation for the duration of our time here. To run into Him and wait or choose for yourself and then run away. Adam and Eve's choice. My choice. Your choice.

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Am I The Only One?

It can be so hard to trust.

I like to think that I am always smiling on the swing, but I am not.

Sometimes I am kicking and screaming.

Children trust so easily.

Why is it that the trust seems to "grow out of you" and you have to work to get back to that place of childlike faith?

Am I the only one?

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Kool-Aid Faith

Remember the commercials with the giant pitcher of Kool-aid that would come crashing through the walls, freaking out several generations of children? The kids in the commercial would become aware of their burning thirst that only Kool-Aid would quench and then they would call out "Hey Kool-Aid!!!!". And then the huge, red pitcher would come bursting onto the scene. I think every kid must have wondered if a giant pitcher stayed poised behind every wall just waiting to be called.
For some odd reason I was thinking about that when I was having my quiet time with God yesterday. Most of my life I have had that Kool-Aid faith where, after becoming aware of my "thirst", I would call out to God and then TOTALLY EXPECT Him to come running through the wall of obstacles in my life and bring whatever it is I need. Isaiah 30: 18, 19 says, "Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and He waits on high to have compassion on you. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you."
And yet at times I find myself fighting negative expectations as I sit, leaning against the wall of the latest obstacle, too discouraged to even cry out to Him. And I am ashamed. He "waits on high to have compassion on me." He "longs to be gracious to me". It is incomprehensible that God waits and longs for me. And you. And I want to never forget that. Ever.

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So This Is His Grace...

"God calls us throughout our life to severe grace, the grace of the cocoon. We are called to separate from the old, to die in order to be reborn. If we open ourselves to this severe grace, we encounter God in new places: in the cyclone, in the dark, in the crisis that shatters our old confining consciousness. It is this severity that makes us new."
-Sue Monk Kidd

When I was six, my grandfather took my brother and me to the local carnival where the rides are put together in a store parking lot in just a matter of hours and you wonder who in their right mind would really get on one of them. My brother chose the "Spider" which was a ride that went around and around while the bucket seats at the end of each spider leg would spin. And spin. And spin. I do not like to spin. This was the moment in my young life when this revelation came to me. The ride began and thus began my screaming. I screamed for the entire duration, begging the man running the ride to PLEASE LET ME OFF!!! He did not and it was then that I realized that there are consequences for the choices you make in life.

Fast forward thirty-four years and there you find me on another of life's rides that seemed safe, nonthreathening, benign even from the ground but once strapped in and the motion began, then came the moment of yet another fit of screaming. "I want to encounter you in familiar places, GOD!!!!!!!!!!" "You tricked me!!!!!" "I am not talking to YOU anymore, and I mean it!"

What? You don't talk to God like that? I know, it is irreverent, but I just figure that He knows what I think so I might as well get it all out there. He has never minded my honesty. It is I who mind His. Sometimes. And yet this past weekend I was thankful for His honesty as I stilled myself long enough to hear Him talking to me. And this is what I discovered. I don't really understand the love of God. I had thought that, to some degree, I did. I was wrong. As He "shatters my old, confining consciousness", I am finding that He plans to make me new, yet again. I don't know what this means this time. But I will surely keep you posted.

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A Little Known Fact...

Did you know......that you can rip off the top part of your Razor flip phone and it will still receive incoming calls?  You will not know who is calling nor will you hear the caller, but you can shout word fragments into the phone as if the caller were deaf and they will be able to hear you and perhaps even laugh at you.  Just ask my friend, Sharon.  It is freakish and strange, sort of like when you cut the head off of a snake and it still slithers through the grass as if nothing has happened.

As I considered this, I had an epiphany.   When my screen goes blank and I cannot hear the voice of God, when it seems that He has changed His digits without sharing them with me...He still hears me.  He still hears me.  It is so very comforting to know that He still hears me.  And He still hears you.  It doesn't matter how things appear or what is missing or even if damage has been done.  He still hears us.   For all of time, He has been waiting to just hear each of us call His name.  And His "to-do list" for us is so simple.  Hosea 6:6 "I don't want your sacrifices; I want your love.  I don't want your offerings; I want you to know Me."  To know Him and to be known...that is life's greatest ambition and, oddly enough, a little known fact.

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If You WIll Let Him

Yesterday, I wrote about brokenness and I said that He will break you if you will let Him. So, what does that look like? There is a difference between what you will tolerate and what you will embrace. There have been times in my life where I merely tolerated His way over mine and then thought I deserved some sort of award for my obedience. But He was gracious enough to teach me that what He is looking for is honor, not tolerance. He is looking for me to wrap my arms around the process as if it were a gift from Him and walk in the way He has opened for me. Or wait, clothed in the circumstance of His choosing. This is honoring Him.

I forgot that lesson and so the past two weeks of my life have not been very pretty. My other mother and dear mentor, Miss Susan, reminded me of this truth. And she didn't remind me with a finger in my face. No, she had my hands in hers with tears streaming down her face. Hers is a life of brokenness, a life that I respect and long to emulate. And so I have turned to Him and I am wrapping my arms around this process in which I find myself, embracing it like I would Him if I could touch Him. And in so doing, I have found His touch again.

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Lord Have Mercy, Will This Day Never End???

Aaahhh...Election Day in the great US of A!  Regardless of who you will be voting for today, I think we can all agree that we will be glad to see it all come to an end!  Ugly, nightmarish memories of hanging chads, counted and recounted votes in Florida and the election that would never end just a few short years ago remind us that we cannot take for granted it will all be over as of tonight.  But we do live in hope!

Perhaps you will go to bed with visions of lower taxes dancing in your head and a contented smile because your vote counted and your candidate won.  Maybe you will cry yourself to sleep tonight because your man and his faithful sidekick lost.  No matter.  The sun will rise again tomorrow and life will go on.  God will still love you and your family just as much as He did during the fevered build-up to the election.  I am encouraging myself with this verse from Scripture:

                  Daniel 4:17 "The Most High God is sovereign over the kingdoms of men and He

                  gives them to whomever He wishes."

Dear bloggy friends, we can still trust in His faithfulness and His hand of provision.  We will be able to do as the Psalmist said, "Be strong and let your heart take courage".  Not because we are Republicans or Democrats and not because we are Americans, but because "...we hope in the Lord." (Ps 31:24)  

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The Shack

I finished reading The Shack by William Young and I must say that it was most definitely one of the strangest books I have ever read.  I love anything that is outside of the box and Young never even got close to the box in this story.  I am not experienced at the art of reviewing books so please pardon the informality of my opinions here.  

When I closed the book for the final time, I was moved more than anything by the deep sense of how much God loves me.  At one point in the book the character who was Holy Spirit spoke to Mack, the central character, and said, "To the degree that fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you."  Wow...right between the eyes!  This is where I have found myself on more occasions that I care to admit.  I have grappled with the love of God my entire life and this story helped me get a picture of how much He really loves me.  Not a religious picture...a real picture.

Another important point this story makes is the wonderful intention God had for men and women and their unique relationship to each other when He created us.  The church has wrongly interpreted Scripture for so long that most people, particularly in the south, have no clue what marriage should really look like.  The emphasis on roles and heirarchy and headship completely misses the beautiful, mutually submitted dance that marriage, and all human relationships for that matter, should and can be.  I have been living it with my fantastic husband for twenty years and Young describes it perfectly in his story.

I love that Mack is pursued by God and then allowed to be completely himself in his quest to truly find God and see His heart.  Because the truth is that God loves who we are and He just wants us to pursue Him and discover who He really is and not what religion tells us He is.  Let the critics have their say...Iloved this story.  It sounded more like God and Heaven than 98% of what I have heard in church my whole life.

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Transition

Transition is a funny thing. You are caught somewhere between enjoying the moment and wondering about the future. You feel as though you don't really belong anywhere as you hang over the abyss of change. It is much like that place between asleep and awake where you really aren't one or the other and all you feel is strange. I love to ride roller coasters and I was thinking how similar are the experiences of roller coaster riding and riding the winds of change. You know how you feel as you wait in line, questioning your sanity yet unable to turn back? And then comes the moment of no return when you are buckled in your seat with the safety harness in place and your stomach is doing flip flops as you are tempted to start screaming, "Get me off this contraption!!!!!" Well that is how I feel in times of transition...that odd mixture of thrilled but I could pee in my pants at any moment.

Oswald Chambers said, "The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere." I think as His children we must be ready and willing to move, shift, or change in whatever capacity He desires. For some of us, this requires cardboard boxes and packing tape, but for all of us it requires soft, malleable hearts that are willing to let Him have His way in our lives. And the catch of our breath as we make the ascent to the top of a hill of His making is, I believe, music in His ears.

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Will Somebody Please Turn Down the Noise?!

Have you ever noticed the level of noise pollution in many restaurants? Music blares from speakers all over the building while two or three televisions hanging throughout the restaurant are set to different stations, further contributing to the cacophony. (How in the world are we expected to watch the TV when Olivia Newton-John is singing Xanadu loudly over the sound system?). Mix all of that with the normal din of dozens of conversations and you are talking chaos. And it is like that in many public places.
Now, obviously I am not suggesting some sort of noise revolt. Tried it. Failed. Seriously, what I am talking about is being intentional about making time for quiet in your life. Because there is so much more noise all around us than ever before, we have to make time to quiet ourselves and tune in to the condition of our own souls. The times that I find myself most out of sorts are when I have lost sight of this and I have allowed the noise to drown out the deep cries of my own heart. It is then that I run back to the quiet so that I can hear. God will never yell above the noise in our lives so we must position ourselves in the seat of silence in order that we don't miss what He wants to say. And it is so worth the effort. When was the last time you shut out the world and just listened?

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What's Wrong With the Old Songs?

Have you ever wondered about that verse in the Bible (Ps 33:3) that says to sing a new song to the Lord? Why a new song? What about the old songs? Something wrong with those? (I am laughing right now because as I read what I have written, it sounds like Jerry Seinfeld wrote it-go ahead...read it out loud in his voice...enjoy. Sorry. Tangent.)

I have given this some thought and I think I get it. When you listen to or sing the same songs over and over, you don't even notice what they say anymore...they just become mental wallpaper. Any part of our lives that becomes routine (and I LOVE routine) becomes rote,unnoticable and boring. As creatures of habit we need healthy routines, but as creations of His, we need to move and shift and create and express all of that amazing "Godlikeness" that we possess. We need to break from the routine at times to get a fresh perspective, a second wind, a renewed sense of purpose. I think God is so wildly creative, above and beyond anything that Disney imagineers could even conceive of, and He wants us to be like Him.

Have you ever considered that we were created to live in the wide open? The sky was the limit for the first man and woman and they could dream as far as the eye could see and then some. The heavens are limitless and endless and we were meant for such an existence. The bigness of creation reminds us of the smallness of ourselves. But we make for ourselves small places to spend most of our hours thereby giving ourselves the illusion that we are bigger than we are. Man has built cages for animals, walls for people...we even box ourselves in at work in offices and cubicles. And when we die, we choose another box that is more expensive than your first car. The greater tragedy is that we then begin to see God through the filter of limitation and we forget that He has no boundaries.

That is why God cries out to us to sing a new song...so our hearts will awaken and we can taste and see His goodness. And His bigness. He wants us to throw our arms around the new and the fresh so that we do not become old and stale and unaware of His wondrousness. So sing a new song, drive a new route, eat new and yummy food, smile at a new stranger. Experience God in a new way. The sky is the limit.

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Wanting, Needing, Longing....

I was reading Seth Godin's blog yesterday and it made me think. He spoke of marketing and the common goal of marketers:

"What you have doesn't make you unhappy. What you want does.
And want is created by us, the marketers."

I am grateful that I am an American and that I live in a free market society that allows us each the freedom to create and sell products/services that add value to the lives of others. As a Christian, however, I must be keenly aware of the seduction of this very same system. While Godin is correct in his assertion that the consumer wants what he or she does not yet have, and those feelings are indeed exacerbated by the lure of the latest "thing" dangled at the end of the marketers' fishing pole, I do not believe that the "want" is created by the marketer. The want is created in us by the Creator Himself. The great tragedy is that we often mistake the deep longings within ourselves as a need for stuff.

In his book The Seven Longings of the Human Heart, Mike Bickle says this: "We have cravings built into our spirit as an integral part of our divine design. These cravings reveal the genius of the Creator, who placed these longings in us to reflect His own personality and guide us to-and back to-Him. He intentionally planted longings deep within our hearts that only He can fill."

How many of us try to fill our longings for greatness, for beauty, for intimacy, for legacy, with what can only be acquired with money when what we deeply desire can only be fulfilled by the God who fashioned us to fulfill HIS longing. Wow! God has a longing for.........me! He deeply desires oneness with me and with you. He is waiting for each of us to realize our desperate need for what only He can offer. And there are no shipping and handling fees! Your longings fulfilled will be delivered straight to the depths of your heart on demand anytime you call on Him.

Is it okay to still want an iPhone and a Mac? Sure. As long as you acquire them to meet your tech needs and not your emotional needs. (I want both of them...champagne taste on a beer budget) Kind of ironic that these products are made by Apple. Wasn't it an apple that got us all into trouble to begin with? Kidding...just relax!

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When We Move

At the beach this past week I found myself awake early every morning thanks to my achy, creaky back. One morning my youngest son looked out the expanse of windows at the ocean and exclaimed with wonder, "Mom, what is all that sparkly stuff on top of the water?" I explained to him that what he was seeing was actually a reflection of the sun on the water and that when the water moves, it makes it look sparkly.

As I explained this to him I was struck by this thought: the sun reflecting on still waters is lovely, but the sunlight shining on moving waters is breath-taking. Likewise, we see the reflection of God in many who wear His name and it can be lovely. But when His children live and move in tandem with Him, His reflection sparkles and dances and it is breath-taking indeed. It is not the water that is extraordinary-in the dark of night we take no notice of it. It is the reflection of the sun that fascinates. When He is truly reflected in the life of a son or daughter who dances with Him , those who look upon them will be utterly fascinated by the Son and they will never be the same.

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Run Away!!!

I read a quote recently that said, "If you don't find it in the index, look carefully through the entire catalogue." There are days when life is like that...the shortcuts and easiness are nowhere to be found and you must take the long way to everywhere. Why is that? On days like that I like to plug in the twinkle lights on my ficus, put in one of my favorite movies that I have already seen forty or fifty times and curl up into a ball on my sofa with my favorite pillow and completely ignore reality. Sometimes reality chases you down like the IRS or something and it hounds you until it gets what it wants from you. I got an e-mail recently that was filled with warnings about terrorism and the inevitability of future attacks here on our soil, and I wanted to throw my computer in the toilet. Don't misunderstand me, I am not condoning escapism as a way of life...we must live responsibly and do the things that are right, but don't most people want to run and hide sometimes? Is it really so bad? I think the best escapism is turning on worship music as loudly as you can stand it and getting lost in Him when all you feel is just lost. The truth is, He is reality-not all that we see and do each day, and so escaping into Him is what really living is all about. He gives us perspective, which is what is usually lacking when we want to escape, and He showers us with the grace that is needed to do what we must do.

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Lessons from the Kennel

I have a three-year-old Yorkie who answers to the name Kramer and looks something like a feather duster. He is a five pound powerhouse of barking and charging but when he finally surrounds his helpless prey, he only licks and sniffs. Sometimes I call him a stupid little dust bunny, to his face, but I always use a nice tone so he just licks me as if I have bestowed some great honor upon him. The thing about my little mutt is that he knows me so well. He anticipates my every move and is always careful not to get in my way. As soon as he sees me sit somewhere he races to me so he can cuddle up in my lap, staking his claim as the favorite in the house. And he expects only good things from me. He sits expectantly upon returning from his dirty deed in the yard knowing that a treat awaits his obedience and, on the occasions that I must chastise him, he rolls over on his back and faces me, taking it like a man.
Would to God that I could consistently relate to my Lord in the way that my little fuzzball relates to me. Psalm 32:8 says "I will give you knowledge, teaching you the way to go; my eye will be your guide." If I keep my gaze locked in on His face, His eyes, I will know all that I need to know. If, like Kramer, I would expect only good from my Master, and sit before Him, waiting with confidence for the rewards that will come from Him, well, surely that is the essence of the "peace that passes all understanding." I know we were given dominion over the animals, but sometimes I could swear that my dog is wiser than I!

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