Let Them Eat Cupcakes...

This, dear friends, was our recent St. Augustine discovery. We vacation here nearly every summer and just after we left last year, this little slice of heavenly yumminess opened up near Old Town on San Marco Ave. It is called LuLi's and they pretty much just sell cupcakes. Now, I have always held cupcakes in high esteem, but this just put them over the top for me. This experience must have been something akin to the devout Mormon making a pilgrimage to Salt Lake City. I felt as though I had come home. To the great Temple of Cupcake Deliciousness. This is my middle boy shoving a peanut butter cupcake into his face. I love my middle boy. And we both love peanut butter. And though I cannot verify this, I am pretty sure that peanut butter loves us. My big man ordered the keylime pie cupcake which was beyond amazing and my baby boy had the cookies and cream cupcake but he didn't share. My oldest boy didn't get one and we figured out why when he threw up in the van on the way back to the condo. We were just thankful there was not a peristaltic chain reaction among us. Behold the magical display of cupcake grandeur. It changed my life forever and, if you get the chance to stop in at LuLi's next time you are in St.Augustine, Florida, it will change your life, too. I promise. I promise on all that is good and chocolate in this world. And I do not make chocolate promises lightly.

Read more...

Saturday Entertainment

Top Images 2008

View more presentations from Joann Sondy. (tags: images humanity)

Read more...

Business Time

A little weekend bonus for the brave few who are popping by to see what is what. This is a little PG-13. So funny!

Read more...

Life as a President: Important Questions I Have

In honor of yesterday's inaugural festivities, I present the following thought-provoking questions about life in the White House...
1. Who washes their underwear? Do total strangers wash the dirty underwear of the President and First Lady?
2. If they want to order a pizza, to which door (there's like a million of them) do they send the Domino's guy? Should he tip the guy extra? He is the President, after all.
3. Who house-trains the new Presidential puppy? Is there an aid in charge of pooper-scooping?
4. What if the President or First Lady needs something "unmentionable" from the drugstore...who gets it for them?
5. If the President and First Lady have a nasty tiff, can one of them sleep in the Lincoln bedroom to "cool off"?
6. Who brings the snacks to the Cabinet meetings? Do they just take turns or is there a sign up sheet? And do they ever play Texas Hold'em when things get tense, you know, just to blow off a little steam?
7. If the President's child spills Koolaid on the rug in the Oval Office, who pays to have it replaced? Or does the Pres. keep some Resolve in a drawer in the Resolute desk?
8. Who shops for the First Family's toiletries? Is there someone who gets paid for shopping for the President's Rightguard and, if so, does this position come with health insurance and retirement benefits?
9. Will the First Family have to take their own movie rentals back to Blockbuster or will Vice Pres. Biden do it? (It's not like the VP has anything better to do...sheesh)
10. When the President's children have a sleepover, can the children play hide and seek in the China Room and are they allowed to slide down the banister of the Grand Staircase?

America is dying to know!

Read more...

Deep, Dark Secrets

We harbor in our family a deep, dark secret. Only one person outside of our family knows it. Until now. If any of you have ever wondered why our family has never given you Christmas cookies, I submit the following picture as evidence. Not one of the five of us can make a pretty Christmas cookie. As you can see below, it us not just the decorating skills that we all lack. We are not even good at cutting out the bloomin' things. In the earlier years, when our boys were very small, we would make the dough from scratch and spend hours icing them and still they looked like what you see below. I then began buying sugar cookie dough in rolls because, really, once three boys cover them in two inches of cream cheese frosting and an inch of colored sugar, they all taste the same. We soon learned that the word "nonpareils" is french for "are you crazy thinking that vacuum is going to suck all those up??" And truthfully, we all stand around the counter like starving buzzards on road kill, slathering the first few in frosting and shoving them down our throats before we even begin the "decorating" process. Our latest challenge has been explaining why it is in bad taste to use the frosting to make the Christmas angels anatomically correct. Well, it is out now. It feels good to confess. Feels even better to eat those Christmas cookies...no matter how ugly they are!

Read more...

Thanksgiving Reflections (or Why Family Holidays Should Only Happen Twice Yearly)

I have decided that, since my sister insists on being too busy to read my blog, I am going to do a little tell-all about my Thanksgiving experience.  It doesn't pay to be nonsupportive in my family (insert evil, maniacal laughter here). 

Upon arrival at my sister's home, we were greeted in the driveway by my sister who SWORE that whatever my oldest nephew had was NOT contagious although the doctor at the Acme Medical Clinic could not exactly say what the mysterious illness was nor could he explain why he had been sick for two weeks running.  This announcement was intended to be comforting.  FAIL!!

I awakened the first morning at my sister's house to the sound of my ten-year-old nephew catching what I understand to be "mole crickets" in the den where my husband and I were sleeping on air mattresses.  While these crickets are the size of moles, they actually resemble frogs with spider legs.  If you know me even a little, you understand how DEEPLY disturbing I found this.  I do NOT do critters of any kind, especially those that can HOP onto me while I sleep.  Fortunately he flushed the offenders down the toilet and I chose to believe that they were sojourners who had no kin in the nearby area.

I discovered while helping to prepare the Thanksgiving feast that, if you do NOT place the huge mixing bowl full of sweet potatoes and other gooey ingredients completely on the counter rather than partially on the counter, when you mix the said potato concoction, it will spill down the front of your shirt, your pants, and penetrate the tiny holes in the mesh of your running shoes.  It is also a difficult substance to clean off of the newly painted kitchen cabinets and the din of laughter from every member of your family does not help this process.  It's okay though, because I laughed until I nearly wet my already potatoey pants.

To further leave my mark on my extended family, I accidentally dropped my sister's blender on the floor which caused the pantry door to snap backwards and knock a picture off of the wall which then landed on top of my brother-in-law's head.  I found it fortunate that stitches were not required and that he didn't hate me for the fits of my laughter that inevitably follow any of my "unfortunate accidents", as they have come to be called.

Our visit was capped off by a knee-slapping funny display from my nephew with the strange and dreaded disease who was taking certain behavior-altering medications.  Apparently he recently entered the front office of his high school (where my sister also works) and renamed the school secretary Fonda Peters.  This was shared with a house full of Thanksgiving guests and then followed up with drunken hugs for everyone at which time he discovered that his tongue felt strange.Thankfully my sister told him to pull his shirt down and go back to bed.  I plan to find out what medication he was taking and never give it to my own children.

I really do love my extended family and I was deeply grateful that our messy celebration took place in her house this year.  Next year I will wear a rubber suit while preparing the sweet potato souffle` and I will make sure we are all properly innoculated before going to her house.  Hope your Turkey Day was just as memorable!!

Read more...

Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus...

This weekend I was at the mall with my whole family doing a little Christmas shopping when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a mall Santa before Thanksgiving.  Now, I love Christmas more than the average person.  In fact, I love it so passionately that I have to force myself to wait until after Thanksgiving to watch Elf and begin listening to Christmas music.  So I think the mall people, or the village people, or whoever is in charge should put the Santa thing on hold until the turkey dinner is at least cooling in the fridge.  The pilgrims and the indians are seriously getting the brush-off from the advertising industry and this needs to stop.

That being said, if you know me and my family, you know that we like to take pictures of ourselves doing silly things in public places.  Yesterday the mall Santa was on break and obviously doing a little shopping for the Mrs. at the jewelry store near the center of the mall.  My oldest son was encouraging my middle son to go over to Santa and lean over the jewelry counter beside him so he could get a picture.  Well, let's just say that timing is not the forte of my middle son so he hurried over and old Santa noticed what he was up to before my budding photographer son could get the picture.  David, thinking fast on his feet, blurts out (in his very deep for thirteen voice) "I love you, Santa!"   Mr. Mall Santa looks right into the eyes of my son and says, "Well I don't love you!  Now get away from me!"   Ahh, can't you just feel the Christmas spirit in the air....love, joy, peace and all of that?  Yeah, me neither.  But we all got a big laugh and I can always use one of those.  So, dear friends, the Christmas season is apparently upon us and all I can say is, "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus...and he is a big, fat old grouch!!"

Read more...

How To Cool Down After a Workout

The other day I was huffing and puffing away on my elliptical machine and wondering what on earth possessed me to eat half of what I have consumed over the course of the past year (or two). As I was coming to the end of my 2 1/2 miles, I reached for my water bottle to get a big swig before hitting the results button that tells me how many calories I have burned. This is the digital equivalence of a pat on the back and, Lord knows, I will take what I can get. Not one to slack off until I have reached the very end, I kept on ellipticalling (yes, I did just make that word up) while attempting to drink from a nearly full bottle of water. It was as I was guzzling that the arm of the machine hit my elbow and I was instantly SHOWERED with cool and refreshing Publix brand spring water. Oh, yes...I am the embodiment of all things graceful. Not only were my face and the front of my shirt showered but so were my nasal passages and, I'm pretty sure, my bronchial tubes. And of course I started laughing out loud because that is what I do when anyone, myself included, does something stooooopid!

So, there you have it...a new and wonderful idea you can use to enhance your own workouts. Just promise that you will think of me when you do it.

Read more...

Breast Awareness Month

No, the title is NOT a mistake. Recently my son, Periwinkle, (names have been changed to protect the innocent) announced to his brothers that the reason the waitresses at a local restaurant were wearing "Save the Ta Tas" tee shirts is because it is Breast Awareness Month. That's right...cancer has nothing to do with it. So, dear readers, take a moment before this month is over to pause and become aware of your breasts. Or your lack of breasts. Go ahead...have a leisurely stroll down mammary lane. Now don't you feel truly inspired??

I am Beth Taylor and I approved this message.

Read more...

Friends

Confession: I sometimes watch Friends reruns. I started watching it from time to time during a period in my life when the church was disappointing me and I was seeing Christians behave in ways that looked nothing like what I saw in Scripture. I have always believed that friends stick by each other through disappointments, failures, and unkind words. You forgive, you overlook faults and bad moods and when necessary, you confront. Yet, when I was struggling and hurting, I was judged and kicked to the curb. It was baffling. So during that time, as I watched the six TV friends relate to each other, I saw more love and long-suffering and forgiveness than I was seeing in some of the Christians in my life. Now that is not to say that Friends is a morally upright show...obviously not. But I did see a portrayal of a community of friends with sticking power. No back door. Abundant grace. Forgiveness. And I wanted that. (And just for the record, Chandler is my favorite TV Friend...sarcasm can be quite endearing)

And then God took us to a different place and surrounded us with true friends, some old and some new, who love and forgive and believe the best of us. Today I am just feeling profoundly thankful for the friends that I have...men and women who I know will always love me and be there when I need them, no matter what. And I love them. I am the richest girl in the world! Take a minute and thank God for the true friends in your life.

Read more...

Sleep Acnea

Tonight (actually it was Monday night), over a noisy game of Monopoly with my family, I was asked the following question:

Unidentified son: "What happens when you get sleep acnea?"

Me: (through uncontrollable gales of laughter) "Sleep acnea is when your face breaks out in huge zits and they are so big that they somehow cover your nostrils and obstruct your breathing which is very dangerous."

Another unidentified son: (gasping for breath through his laughter) "It is sleep APNEA, genius!"

I love game night with my family!

Read more...

Hair Care by Black & Decker

I have said it before and I will say it again, you gotta get you some sons! It takes true ingenuity to find multiple uses for the common leaf blower, but as you can see, my middle son, David, has risen to the occasion. Move over Vidal Sassoon!

Read more...

Adrift

Friday night is Psych night at my house and I don't take kindly to interruptions to my hour of comedy/intrigue indulgence. Last night the USA network found it necessary to air the US Open during MY Psych time. Now I do enjoy tennis and I play it and watch it on tv as my schedule allows, but I was NOT interested in tennis when I wanted to spend some time with Gus and Shawn! I didn't know what to do with myself...I was adrift on a sea of Psychlessness. (sigh)

Read more...

Just Desserts

This is my "thorn in the flesh"...actually it leaves something more like fat rolls instead of a thorn. Chocolate is a girls' best friend...don't let anybody tell you any different!

Read more...

Here's Your Sign

We just got home from a really great weekend of ministry in Birmingham, Alabama with the folks at Fullness Christian Fellowship. I can't say enough good things about Josh and Jen Walsh who lead the youth ministry there. We were there to lend a hand with the weekend youth camp they were hosting, and, yes, I did swallow a banana whole (I came in second place...my husband beat me) while I was there. On Saturday they took us to our favorite BBQ spot in the whole southern USA, Dreamland. If you have never been there, you must go and sample the yummy goodness that is Dreamland. We have been there several times over the years but never before had I noticed this sign that hangs on the wall there. Please behold their neon proclamation...it will change your life forever.

Read more...

Don't Stop at Two...

For those of you who do not know me, I have three sons. Yep, that's right, the clowns you see here are my spawn, but I am not singularly responsible for this genetic blend of intelligence and raw humor that you see depicted. My husband is partly to blame. All three of our boys are highly intelligent, I promise, but what is most outstanding to me is their simply defining senses of humor. While other people skim through life with a smile here and there, my husband and I pretty much belly laugh down the highway of life.

Of particular interest today is my youngest son who gave his analysis of women with tattoos over breakfast this morning. It seems that, and I quote, " women shouldn't get tattoos on their chests because they will sag one day and that is just disturbing."

There you have it folks...straight from the mouth of Jonathan. Please do not stop reproducing if you only have two children. I can almost promise you that your third child will be a near-perfect blend of poetry and complete and utter lack of self-control. You may question your own sanity, but you will not be bored.

Read more...

Where's the Beef?

Mondays are our day off and today we took our three boys to The Conestoga in downtown Alachua, Florida. If you have never eaten there, let me just say that it is the place to go for man food. Chick food includes chicken salad on delicate croissants and fruit salad and scones. Man food includes all things beefy and oversized and it comes with a side of Tums. The monstrosity you see here is the Main Street Monster Burger and it weighs in at 48 ounces. The guy at the table next to ours was feeling brave and gluttonous, much to our delight, and I was especially happy when he let me take a picture of his mega-dinner before he dove into it.

It was a beefy, happy sort of day with all of my men. Hope your next day off is big and beefy, too!

Read more...

Crack Anyone?

You know, everyone does crack. The question is, what is your crack? For some it is a five dollar cup of popular culture from Starbucks. For others it is some mind-numbing moments in front of the television because who doesn't need some "reality tv" at the end of your reality-filled day? For others it might be a quick trip through cyberspace or maybe just a nice nap. Me? Well, I like to unwind by doing just what I am doing right now. I love to write and, while I await the day that some publisher deems me worthy, I will be content to blog because at least that way I know that tens of people are reading what I write. It doesn't pay the bills yet but, oh, one fine day it will!

My second favorite crack is reading (if you are one of my tens of faithful readers, you already know this) and I usually get my daily fix of this"literary crack" at night. When taking a long trip in the car my crack of choice is original flavor Bubble Yum. I put a huge piece (or two) in my mouth and attempt to chew it and talk to my family while trying not to drool on myself. Dark chocolate is another provocative bit of crack in which I indulge on a regular basis, and by regular I do mean daily. Now, none of the things that I call "crack" and that I heartily endorse are dangerous or even particularly addictive. They just help me to enjoy my life a little more. This is perfectly alright. Sadly, I miss the time when spin class at 6:00 am was my crack. The only place I can now afford to exercise does not offer spin class and I do miss it because it made my daily "chocolate crack" habit less dangerous to my thighs.

None of this really matters in the grand scheme of things but I like to write about trivial things from time to time because, you guessed it, it relaxes me. And so I hope you enjoyed this little bit of "literary crack"....no need to search the sofa cushions for loose change or sell one of your children to pay for it. It's on me.

Read more...

Curiosity...What's That?

Today I was in a doctor's office examining room with my fifteen-year-old son. This was a dermatologist office so the chair in the examining room was most interesting. Every time that we go to this particular office, my son is overcome with an insatiable desire to play with all of the buttons on the chair to see how it works. It is as though he regresses back to age four when we enter the room and I always remind him that we lowly mortals are not allowed to touch buttons in doctor's offices...ever. Curiosity is a strange thing. For some it is a mildly passing notion that may or may not need to be embraced. For others, like me, it can be maddening and all-consuming, like an itch in the middle of your back that you will go to any length to scratch. My son is actually just like me. When I have the opportunity to go to Biltmore House in North Carolina, I am not nearly as interested in the hundreds of rooms I am allowed to walk through as I am the locked doors I cannot open and the dark, shadowy corridors that are roped off. I can't stand it!! I must know what is behind those doors and in those closets, and down those hallways! I have even asked employees there to just tell me what is lurking in the unseen places and they look at me as if lobsters were crawling out of my ears.
Why are some so very curious and why is curiousity said to kill the proverbial cat? And what of the first man and woman? Perhaps she was driven by the need to have what the serpent promised her- good eats and great wisdom. Had I been in her place, I would have had to fight off curiosity like a swarm of bees. I like to think that only the lure of great wisdom would have drawn me to disobedience, but I am simple and shallow and why deny it? I would have wanted to see what was behind door number three no matter how many other doors were opened to me. It is not that I want what I cannot have, I just want to see everything. But seeing everything is really not my job, it is God's job and sometimes I just need to be reminded of that. He has every right to choose for me...because I am His.

Read more...

Silence Is Golden...Duct Tape Is Silver

Perhaps it has happened to you. You part your lips and open your mouth to speak and before you realize what has happened, you have not only put your foot in your mouth, but you can scratch your spleen with your big toe. For those of you who know me, you are probably laughing right now because you have seen me in action...maybe you have even been a helpless victim of my inability to edit myself. If you don't know me then let me just say that I am tons of fun at parties, but I wouldn't introduce me to any important relatives or friends that you are trying to impress. This past weekend I was on a road trip with my family and several close friends and I was perusing the new pictorial directory of a church that will remain nameless to protect the innocent (mainly me). I saw a photo of a woman that I found especially funny because of something that she undoubtedly found positively attractive the morning that she was dressing for her photo session, but that I was unable to resist making fun of in my latest moment of unguarded expression. Yes, that's right...she was the grandmother of one of my friends in the van. Oddly enough, I dissolved into fits of laughter when I should have been mortified and reverently silent after such a transgression. Inappropriate laughter is another entry on my long list of faults. My friend is a true friend and managed to forgive me, but I have to wonder...is there any hope for my mouth? If only there were time delay like on live television and all of my horrible mistakes could be bleeped. I like to think that I am not mean but just overly descriptive. Who am I kidding? I should get a muzzle or maybe a nice roll of duct tape...

Read more...