9-11-01...If We Were to Ask God

"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." -Ralph Waldo Emerson


All of the ceremony of a day like today stirs us to pause and to remember...

Where we were.

What we were doing.

How we felt.

And all the needless loss of life that day.

On this day each year, some will be overcome with thankfulness, forgiveness and hope.

Others will still be nursing hatred and judgment and fear.

If we were to ask God how He feels about what happened, I wonder what He would say.

Because He is "I Am" and not "I Was" or "I Will Be", I think He would ask us to look within and see how we have allowed the tragedies of yesterday and the heartbreak of today to change us and make us look like a truer reflection of His Image. And although I am certain the events of 9-11-01 broke God's heart, I imagine that today He is more interested in whether or not His children are looking more like Him and if we are allowing His image to be reflected on the lost and the broken, the sick and the poor.

These are the things I am thinking of today.

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Sticks and Stones

I'm not trying to wear out the MJ thing but....

I read recently that, growing up, Michael Jackson was teased a great deal by his father and that he was reported to have said to his son, "God, your nose is big!" In a 2003 documentary, Michael was reported to have said that when performing he would have been happier wearing a mask. Nothing done to a person in childhood excuses adult behaviors and choices, but we often forget what careless words said to a child can do and the lasting effects of those words.

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Beautiful Desolation

John 20:29 "...blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed."

I became a Christian in 1983 at the age of fifteen. I am a strong personality with very definite opinions that I have to bite my tongue at times not to share. I saw God change my life in such an amazing way that it NEVER crossed my mind to doubt Him. Ever. Until recently.

I have struggled with my beliefs in the past six months in a way I have never before known. And it has rocked me to my very foundation. I have made poor choices in the past and then had the unpleasant experience of living with the consequences of those choices, but I can deal with that. It is an expected life equation. In recent months, however, I have realized that God has brought me, by His own Hand, down a road that is unexpectedly desolate and I have been left questioning the very bedrock of my previously unyielding faith. My forty years of life have never been a cakewalk...there has been much disappointment and heartache and I have learned to befriend failure rather than resist it. There is much to be learned at that great destination called "the end of yourself". But this...well, this is different.

The odd thing about all of this is that He has guided me to, and then through, great pools of difficulty in the past, but this time is different because I am also at a place in my own soul of great burnout. Having soldiered through four remarkably painful tornadoes in recent years, I failed to take note of the effect of those cyclones on my heart and soul and then take appropriate measures to see myself through the necessary healing and restoration. And so now I am in a helicopter of His design, being given a birds eye view of the damages. No one enjoys pictures of the landscape after the storm rips through because it leaves you feeling, well, helpless. Exactly.

The other ugly truth is that I have been more loyal to my notions of Him than I have been to who He really is. I have been serving the American God who takes care of my every practical need and fills me with such great joy and who keeps me from all the pain and anguish that others around the globe live in daily. But that is rather like looking at a the Grand Canyon through a pinhole and thinking you have beheld it's beauty and immensity.

It is times like these that I wish like anything that I were an opaque work of art on His pottery wheel rather than the transparent window that I am by His design. I want to run away and hide so others cannot see what I am seeing inside of myself because to my eyes it is offensive and humiliating. In truth it is a thing of beauty that has not yet taken shape and He loves for others to look on as He works His miracles. So I thought I would let you have a look at what He is creating out of my own desolation.

And thank you for taking the time to stop by.

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Audacious Intimacy

I have been thinking again of brokenness and how vitally important it is in the life of a leader. It is important for anyone, but to be in a place of leadership, unbroken, is to be a walking time bomb, capable of wounding the vast audience of innocent onlookers in your life. In a past post I wrote about breaking a horse, but recently I have been thinking of a breaking of another kind.

My favorite passage of Scripture to teach is the story of Mary of Bethany (Mark 14, Luke 11). Now there is the greatest of unlikely Biblical heroes. I love this story of a broken vessel. There was the vessel of costly perfume, a years wages it cost, that she broke over her Master's feet and then wiped them with her own hair. But there is the picture of another broken vessel...Mary herself. Only her brokenness would have enabled her to even approach Him, much less touch Him, for what we so often overlook in this story is the fact that men, and especially rabbis in that period in time did not even look at a woman, let alone stoop to speak with her or teach her. But this Man was different. This man looked at her, talked to her, listened to her, touched her. He understood her. And she understood Him unlike any of the men in His company of followers. They called it waste, but she understood His worth. She knew that the broken vessel represented His broken body. And the oil, the preparation for His burial. She understood and knew what was coming. Her acceptance of His impending death was her great sacrifice, not the jar of oil. She had paid attention to every syllable of His teaching. And the truth of it not only moved her, it owned her.
And He was, I believe, moved by her companions. Who were these companions? Need. Poverty of spirit. Divine longing. And brokenness. And as a result, she knew an audacious intimacy with Jesus that no man there thought she deserved. And the truth is she did not deserve it, but the great disqualifier was not her obvious femininity but rather her sinful humanity. The inconceivable reality is that we can all know this audacious intimacy and the pathway is brokenness.

Who are your companions? Who are mine? Pride? Independence? Self-satisfaction? Ego? Our closest companions as leaders must be those that surrounded Mary; need, poverty of spirit, divine longing and brokenness. They will usher us into an intimacy with God that only a broken vessel can know. As leaders, that should be our greatest goal.

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The Way of Brokenness

Horses must be broken to be of any good to a human. The breaking process is used to bring the horse under the master's control and often consists of leading the horse through many potentially frightening situations until it learns to trust its master. This process works best over time-instant results don't happen.

Some people wrongly assume that brokenness in a Christian's life is a destination where, once reached, a permanent address is then set up. If only this were true. The truth is that opportunities for brokenness come to us many times over the course of our lives. Unlike a horse, we have the ability to reason(which can be such a hindrance) and so we do not live out of mere animal instinct. When we come to any future "potentially frightening situations", we say, "But Lord, I have already been tested. Surely this cannot be You. Did I not already prove to You that I will do what You ask of me?" And there we sit trying to understand how we could possibly be at another such place of breaking, perhaps one even more difficult than the last.

Only God knows what is up ahead and what preparation we will need for tomorrow. It is often the promises of tomorrow that necessitate the breaking of today. Other times it is human pride that rears its ugly head and returns in us for an encore performance. Pride loves encores. And then another opportunity for brokenness must come and lower the curtain on such a performance. Ultimately, God is determined to break me both for my good and for His glory. And He will do the same for you. If you will let Him.

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The Way He Has Chosen

I love the quiet comfort of my house early in the morning before everyone else wakes up. The luxury of having unhurried and uninterrupted moments with God is like a gift box in your lap wrapped in really expensive paper that is way outside your budget with the kind of bow that you could never have tied yourself and so you just want to sit and hold it a while and not rush through the process of getting to what is inside.

In recent weeks I felt the Lord pulling me back to the classic book, Hinds' Feet on High Places, which I have read at least eight times over the past eighteen years but which never fails to speak something of great value to my heart. I have been working through it slowly during my devotional time, savoring it like an expensive meal in a fine restaurant. The other day I read this passage: "Will you bear this too, Much-Afraid? Will you suffer yourself to lose or to be deprived of all you have gained on this journey to the High Places? Will you go down this path into the Valley of Loss, just because it is the way I have chosen for you? Will you still trust and still love Me?"

What is my answer to that question? There are turns in the path with Him where He brings you to a place that overlooks the Valley of Loss and you must consider if you really are willing to follow Him into something that appears crazy and that places all that you have gained so far onto the altar of sacrifice. Many in the audience of your life might even judge you and ridicule you for taking such a direction and, as for applause...well, there will be none of that. Will I allow Him to break the reverie of my daily living to pose such a question to me? Will you?

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