Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Goodnight House and Goodnight Mouse

It is four days until moving day and all of our belongings are jumping into boxes by themselves while a roll of packing tape zips through the house, seeking cardboard that needs sealing. I WISH! Actually, it is all going pretty well and on schedule. It is sad how much I love those two words..."on schedule", but there it is and I cannot change who I am so instead I embrace my love of order and schedule.

That being said, I did linger a bit in our guest room as I packed up the tangible remains of the life of my mother. For those of you just tuning in here, my mother lived with me for the final year of her life and this month marks two years that she has been gone. The day after her memorial service, I took all of her things that I wanted to keep and shoved them into a closet in our guest room and so it has taken me a little while to touch and smell each thing before putting it in a box. I gazed around the guest room that she called home for her final year of life and remembered so many conversations we had and thought of all the old black and white movies we watched together, and I wondered to myself if the empty place she left inside me would ever stop aching. I suspect not.

My husband and I have lived in lots of houses in many different cities, a path we chose together nearly twenty-one years ago when we agreed to go wherever God said and pour our hearts and lives into others. But this is the first time I have felt sad about leaving a house. Some of our friends have had the experience of raising their families in one place, maybe even one house, and there have been times I have envied them. But just briefly. I love all the amazing people we have met and friendships we have formed by living in different places and, while this way of life wreaks havoc on your finances, it does bring heaven to your heart. Still, leaving this house hurts and I am trying to make time to feel what I feel, grieving a little over the ending of a season of my life that was searingly painful and deliciously wonderful all at the same time. How I am feeling reminds me of my very favorite children's story that my mother read to me when I was small, Goodnight Moon. Each page shows the little bunny saying goodnight to different things in his room until he finally tells the moon goodnight. It is important to say goodnight to the the places and seasons and people that matter.

Goodnight Lake City. Goodnight Christian Heritage Church. Goodnight house!

3 comments:

Merilu September 29, 2009 at 11:26 AM  

Well, I just finished reading a lot of your blog, it made me smile, cry and laugh. We love you guys and when I dream about the woman God has called me to be, she reminds me of you, Beth! :) I was just praying for you the other day b/c God had put you on my heart :) You are such an inspiration!
Love ya
Merilu

Terra Jones September 30, 2009 at 8:39 PM  

Beautiful and bittersweet. You will always be very special to me. I treasure all the times we've had together and look forward to more in the future. Goodnight Beth:)

Melissa King October 3, 2009 at 10:17 PM  

You are an inspiration Beth Taylor. I hold you close to my heart.