Monday, December 1, 2008

Thanksgiving Reflections (or Why Family Holidays Should Only Happen Twice Yearly)

I have decided that, since my sister insists on being too busy to read my blog, I am going to do a little tell-all about my Thanksgiving experience.  It doesn't pay to be nonsupportive in my family (insert evil, maniacal laughter here). 

Upon arrival at my sister's home, we were greeted in the driveway by my sister who SWORE that whatever my oldest nephew had was NOT contagious although the doctor at the Acme Medical Clinic could not exactly say what the mysterious illness was nor could he explain why he had been sick for two weeks running.  This announcement was intended to be comforting.  FAIL!!

I awakened the first morning at my sister's house to the sound of my ten-year-old nephew catching what I understand to be "mole crickets" in the den where my husband and I were sleeping on air mattresses.  While these crickets are the size of moles, they actually resemble frogs with spider legs.  If you know me even a little, you understand how DEEPLY disturbing I found this.  I do NOT do critters of any kind, especially those that can HOP onto me while I sleep.  Fortunately he flushed the offenders down the toilet and I chose to believe that they were sojourners who had no kin in the nearby area.

I discovered while helping to prepare the Thanksgiving feast that, if you do NOT place the huge mixing bowl full of sweet potatoes and other gooey ingredients completely on the counter rather than partially on the counter, when you mix the said potato concoction, it will spill down the front of your shirt, your pants, and penetrate the tiny holes in the mesh of your running shoes.  It is also a difficult substance to clean off of the newly painted kitchen cabinets and the din of laughter from every member of your family does not help this process.  It's okay though, because I laughed until I nearly wet my already potatoey pants.

To further leave my mark on my extended family, I accidentally dropped my sister's blender on the floor which caused the pantry door to snap backwards and knock a picture off of the wall which then landed on top of my brother-in-law's head.  I found it fortunate that stitches were not required and that he didn't hate me for the fits of my laughter that inevitably follow any of my "unfortunate accidents", as they have come to be called.

Our visit was capped off by a knee-slapping funny display from my nephew with the strange and dreaded disease who was taking certain behavior-altering medications.  Apparently he recently entered the front office of his high school (where my sister also works) and renamed the school secretary Fonda Peters.  This was shared with a house full of Thanksgiving guests and then followed up with drunken hugs for everyone at which time he discovered that his tongue felt strange.Thankfully my sister told him to pull his shirt down and go back to bed.  I plan to find out what medication he was taking and never give it to my own children.

I really do love my extended family and I was deeply grateful that our messy celebration took place in her house this year.  Next year I will wear a rubber suit while preparing the sweet potato souffle` and I will make sure we are all properly innoculated before going to her house.  Hope your Turkey Day was just as memorable!!


Melissa December 2, 2008 at 7:38 PM  

unfortunately my Thanksgiving was not as eventful as yours....but i did get a good laugh about yours :) love you