New Year's Resolution

What's that you say? It's May 13th??? I do not care. I am making a resolution anyway. It's my blog, I can resolve if I want to.

Sunday was my second Mother's Day since my Mom died and these past few days I have been looking at pictures of her when no one is looking. I do this when no one is looking because pictures of her make me cry, especially around special days, and I just like to cry by myself. That way no one sees the snot drip off of my nose and into my lap. Very sexy.

I am sad to say that there just aren't very many pictures of my Mama and me together. For that matter, there aren't very many pictures of her at all. And then I started thinking about the pictures of my own family and I think I might be scarce in those pictures. Why do we take so many pictures of our kids and so few with us in the pictures with them?

I know why. At least for me, anyway. It is because I hate how I look in most pictures so I only make my way into a few of the family shots. And I haven't been letting the boys post pictures of me on their Facebook pages if I think I look yucky in them, which I usually do.

But I don't want my boys to look through the family albums one day, searching for a shot of just them with me and find nothing. I would give anything to have a few pictures of my Mama and me together.

Happy.

Laughing.

Acting silly.

Just being together.

And even though no picture could ever fill the vast void left by Mama's death, it sure would help my heart to just see her. With me. A long ago moment, forever captured, that would wrap itself around me like a blanket and comfort me a little when I miss her.

I want to leave my kids with lots of pictures of all the fun we are having now and all the laughter. Oh, we do laugh. And they know what I really look like. They won't care if my tummy pokes out or my roots need touching up in a picture. I don't notice those things when I look at pictures of my Mama. All I see is the woman who gave me life and only occasionally threatened to take it back. And my boys will one day (a really long time from now) look at pictures of me and remember-not what my hair looked like or how much I weighed, but rather who I was and how I made them feel.

So, my resolution is to jump in all of the pictures and not worry how I look, but instead just enjoy how I feel. Because life is so good and so full and I really do love every minute of it. Go check out your own photo albums....are you there? It really will matter one day.