Silence Is Golden...Duct Tape Is Silver

Perhaps it has happened to you. You part your lips and open your mouth to speak and before you realize what has happened, you have not only put your foot in your mouth, but you can scratch your spleen with your big toe. For those of you who know me, you are probably laughing right now because you have seen me in action...maybe you have even been a helpless victim of my inability to edit myself. If you don't know me then let me just say that I am tons of fun at parties, but I wouldn't introduce me to any important relatives or friends that you are trying to impress. This past weekend I was on a road trip with my family and several close friends and I was perusing the new pictorial directory of a church that will remain nameless to protect the innocent (mainly me). I saw a photo of a woman that I found especially funny because of something that she undoubtedly found positively attractive the morning that she was dressing for her photo session, but that I was unable to resist making fun of in my latest moment of unguarded expression. Yes, that's right...she was the grandmother of one of my friends in the van. Oddly enough, I dissolved into fits of laughter when I should have been mortified and reverently silent after such a transgression. Inappropriate laughter is another entry on my long list of faults. My friend is a true friend and managed to forgive me, but I have to wonder...is there any hope for my mouth? If only there were time delay like on live television and all of my horrible mistakes could be bleeped. I like to think that I am not mean but just overly descriptive. Who am I kidding? I should get a muzzle or maybe a nice roll of duct tape...